Immortal dialogues from True Blood:
Maybe Jesus was the first vampire. Man, he rose from the dead too, and he told people, ‘Hey y’all, drink my blood, it’ll give you special powers’.
Just because we drank a bitch together does not make us Oprah and Gayle.
I don’t know what it is about me that makes people think I want to hear their problems. Maybe I smile too much. Maybe I wear too much pink. But please remember I can rip your throat out if I need to. And also know that I am not a hooker. That was a long, long time ago
I ain’t Gmail for dead bitches. Send your own damn messages!
We fight like siblings but we fuck like champions
Respectfully Martha, your son doesn’t have a grave cause y’all ate him
Jason: “Weird question to ask, man. But if you really wanna know, missionary, then doggie, then her on top.”
Lafayette: “You look like a porn star with that tan and pink lipstick. You gotta date?”
Arlene: “It was only a matter of time before one of yall got caught on film.”
Jessica: “Okay, we get it. You don’t like vampires. Well, I don’t like narrow-minded, skinny bitches with bad dye jobs, but at least I have the courtesy to keep my mouth shut. Most of the time. I suggest you do the same.”
“The American Vampire League likes to perpetrate the notion that we are just like you and I suppose in a few small ways we are. We’re narcissists; we care only about getting what we want, no matter what the cost, just like you. Global warming, perpetual war, toxic waste, child labor, torture, genocide, that’s a small price to pay for your SUV’s, and your flat screen TV’s, blood diamonds, your designer jeans, your absurd garrish McMansions, futile symbols of permanence to quell your quivering spineless souls. But no, in the end, we are nothing like you; we are immortal because we drink the true blood, blood that is living, organic and human.”
“You’re walking in my shoes and it’s giving you blisters.”
“You’re Dirty Harry now ‘cause you’re dipping your penguin dick into that vamper tramp?”
“You know in person, she looks like vanilla pudding.”
“I reckon I’ve already been to heaven and it’s inside your wife.”
“Do you think Sam could turn into a chicken and lay his own egg. Wouldn’t that be weird, eatin’ something that just came out of you?”
“I work out like a motherf—er and watch a lot of porn to learn stuff.”
“I’m actually older than your Jesus. I wish I could have known him, but I missed it.”
Eric: “You’ve killed a man.”
Sookie: “That was for self-defense, not for lunch.”
“I have a fairy godmother? Okay, if your job is to look after me, can I just say you suck.”
Jason: I got a lot on my mind lately.
Lafayette: That must be new
Listen, you always seemed like a nice lady…behind the crazy and the hate.
My body is a fucking temple and you defiled it with your vampire-loving pecker.