What I said on twitter = I still cannot sleep and the conversation on WhatsApp has died a natural death because am not interesting enough

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Buls ‏@boogerworm 

@KananGill You won’t be jailed in case of a divorce

Chetan Bhagat @chetan_bhagat

Brand ambassadors responsible for their products? Ok so @shaadidotcom is just a website. Making your shaadi work is your responsibility!

Kanan is part of a very tacky shaadi.com ad

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

Somedays I wish GOT was a Hindi soap so it would go on… and on… and on… and on… and… on

 

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

True. The only times we laugh at a man’s jokes are when we are flirting with him.

Aditi Mittal @awryaditi

How long do I have to keep laughing at your jokes after you’ve told me you have a girlfriend? I’m maxing out at 10 mins here.

This is how I flirt… and so do most women. This is the only reason we laugh at a man’s jokes. Seriously. 

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

Think am going to do this to avoid the b’day wishes spam

Venu @VenuEcstasy

Once you delete your birthday from Facebook, you’ll realize that no-one ever gave a shit about you all along!

Try it

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

Let’s serve kids candies but not eggs because the latter has side effects while the former is brimming with nutrition

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

Me-How can you watch Haatim tai? You have a lot of patience.

Oh wait, is that why we are together because you have so much patience?

And the penny drops 

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

My dear fb friends,

You don’t have to post pics everytime you go out for a meal. Leave some things for our imagination.

Thank you.

EVERY single picture. Why? Why? And they don’t even look good. Nobody cares, you know? Use zomato. Use instagram. Don’t be gawar and put everything on fb. 

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

Half the time I read messages because I don’t like pending notifications

I am very finicky about this. Maybe that’s why I can’t sleep? 

*Checks every pending notification*

*zzzzzz*

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

On fb, we did not meet if we didn’t upload pics is the new we did not eat it if we didn’t post the pics on instagram

There are people I know who meet different couples (it is always couples) every weekend and then they post pics. EVERY single weekend, without fail. Hamara bhi chance aaya tha but we didn’t go. 

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

I have a feeling if I jump off the balcony nobody will notice #ps3gaming

Someday I will try this just to check if anybody notices. 

Below tweet is a conversation

Aditi Mittal ‏@awryaditi 

I want to be one of those villains that talks loudly to themselves about evil plan while executing said evil plan.

unimpressed fangills ‏@kaalamagic 

@awryaditi basically you mean every vamp in every indian soap everrr :p

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

@kaalamagic @awryaditi But with cooler names like ‘Ajgar Jurhad’

unimpressed fangills ‏@kaalamagic 

@boogerworm @awryaditi I really liked komolika though. And then she twirled her hair around her finger. I owe all my sass to her #idol xD

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

@kaalamagic @awryaditi Love komolika. She rocks

unimpressed fangills ‏@kaalamagic 

@boogerworm @awryaditi remember her theme background? Komo..LIKAAAAAA! (why do I remember all this)

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

@kaalamagic @awryaditi It is ringing in my ears now. Is it ok if I say that aloud in office?

unimpressed fangills ‏@kaalamagic 

@boogerworm @awryaditi it may fetch you judge-y looks but YOLO :p

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

@kaalamagic @awryaditi My appraisal every year = Judge-y looks. Am a pro at it now.

 

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

I don’t need anything but I will be a damned Sindhi if I don’t use the b’day discounts from brands

Proud to inform that I have used every single discount coupon I received. 

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

You know how bad a movie is when it starts promotion before the shooting starts.

#Shivaay #ajaydevgan

Saw the trailer for a movie which has yet to start shooting. I am not making this up though I wish I was 

Buls ‏@boogerworm  May 27

Why is it ok to talk about pets and not about your kids on social media? Why this discrimination against kids?

I had to read tweets about cat poo and pee. Ewwwwwww. 

Below tweet is part of a conversation. Jeevshu is a stand up comedian who has crossed 30 years and is divorced. He is damn sweet and I like to sorta flirt with him because he is totally non-creepy.

Jeeveshu Ahluwalia ‏@Jeeveshu 

Beta ek umar ke baad na ladkiyan nahin milti, rishte aane band ho jaate hain, tu baat maan tu shaadi kar le. #shaadipressure

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

@Jeeveshu 30 is that Umar

SAYAK CHAKRABORTY ‏@Ssssayak 

@boogerworm @Jeeveshu 30 ????? !!!! wo to ladko ka khelne kudne ki umar hay mam…

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

@Ssssayak @Jeeveshu I didn’t say it… Society did. Tell them that

Jeeveshu Ahluwalia ‏@Jeeveshu 

@boogerworm @Ssssayak we are society, uff!

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

@Jeeveshu @Ssssayak I thought “society” nowadays is twitter. Nahi? Damn!!!

Jeeveshu Ahluwalia ‏@Jeeveshu 

@boogerworm @Ssssayak haan tum meri sab kuch ho ab

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

@Jeeveshu Awwwwwwwwww…. you are so sweet

Jeeveshu Ahluwalia ‏@Jeeveshu 

@boogerworm doctor said that too, need less on Sugar now!

 

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

I want the dubsmash videos to become a huge trend so we can distinguish between morons and non morons and eliminate the former

Happy to inform that I have only 1 such moron friend on facebook. 

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

Dubsmash is a great way to recognize moronic people with zero IQ and low humour and weed them out. Whoever invented it is a genius.

 

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

I may have blocked out the PM on WhatsApp and so didn’t receive the DM.

Am I anti national? Should I move to Pakistan?

 

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

In my next janam, I want to be born in a milky way where cricket does not exist

 

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

#CBSEResult I wish I hadn’t scored high marks in my 12th boards. I would have been able to study what I wanted to then- arts.

 

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

Wait… I just realized normal people would be excited about having plans #unsocialme

Me- when I don’t have any plans 

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

On fabulous hair days, I wish I had a social life. Oh well, I will spend all day admiring them

ONLY on fabulous hair days which are rare

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

Looking for the best position from where I can look at laptop, TV on the opposite side, cooler, phone and all connected to plug point

This is why yoga 3 times a week… to improve flexibility and curl into convoluted positions

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

Every minute bae is not glued to PS3 I wonder if all is ok with him

 

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

If I stand straight, don’t make a noise or movement, the Vodafone 3G connection appears.

*Cannot connect to twitter*

Shit, its gone

This is also another reason for yoga. 

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

If I ever shoot someone, my excuse will be “Reliance dongle was so slow, it made me insane”‘

 

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

Me- You are becoming smart

Him- No, am getting tamed

Me- Same thing

Marriage 

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

Yaaaay…. Got the visa… Even though we look like criminals in the photos

We do. They are the worst pics of our lives. I am surprised Italy government has no issues letting ugly people visit 

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

Sitting next to someone who does not fit into his tiny seat on flight makes me feel like am living in a Mumbai flat

 

Buls ‏@boogerworm 

What would happen to fb status updates without spouses liking and commenting on them? Imagine if polygamy was legal. So many likes.

Let’s legalize polygamy… more likes on facebook for everyone 

 


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