@KananGill You won’t be jailed in case of a divorce
Chetan Bhagat @chetan_bhagat
Brand ambassadors responsible for their products? Ok so @shaadidotcom is just a website. Making your shaadi work is your responsibility!
Kanan is part of a very tacky shaadi.com ad
Somedays I wish GOT was a Hindi soap so it would go on… and on… and on… and on… and… on
True. The only times we laugh at a man’s jokes are when we are flirting with him.
Aditi Mittal @awryaditi
How long do I have to keep laughing at your jokes after you’ve told me you have a girlfriend? I’m maxing out at 10 mins here.
This is how I flirt… and so do most women. This is the only reason we laugh at a man’s jokes. Seriously.
Think am going to do this to avoid the b’day wishes spam
Once you delete your birthday from Facebook, you’ll realize that no-one ever gave a shit about you all along!
Let’s serve kids candies but not eggs because the latter has side effects while the former is brimming with nutrition
Me-How can you watch Haatim tai? You have a lot of patience.
Oh wait, is that why we are together because you have so much patience?
And the penny drops
My dear fb friends,
You don’t have to post pics everytime you go out for a meal. Leave some things for our imagination.
EVERY single picture. Why? Why? And they don’t even look good. Nobody cares, you know? Use zomato. Use instagram. Don’t be gawar and put everything on fb.
Half the time I read messages because I don’t like pending notifications
I am very finicky about this. Maybe that’s why I can’t sleep?
*Checks every pending notification*
On fb, we did not meet if we didn’t upload pics is the new we did not eat it if we didn’t post the pics on instagram
There are people I know who meet different couples (it is always couples) every weekend and then they post pics. EVERY single weekend, without fail. Hamara bhi chance aaya tha but we didn’t go.
I have a feeling if I jump off the balcony nobody will notice #ps3gaming
Someday I will try this just to check if anybody notices.
Below tweet is a conversation
I want to be one of those villains that talks loudly to themselves about evil plan while executing said evil plan.
@awryaditi basically you mean every vamp in every indian soap everrr :p
I don’t need anything but I will be a damned Sindhi if I don’t use the b’day discounts from brands
Proud to inform that I have used every single discount coupon I received.
You know how bad a movie is when it starts promotion before the shooting starts.
Saw the trailer for a movie which has yet to start shooting. I am not making this up though I wish I was
Why is it ok to talk about pets and not about your kids on social media? Why this discrimination against kids?
I had to read tweets about cat poo and pee. Ewwwwwww.
Below tweet is part of a conversation. Jeevshu is a stand up comedian who has crossed 30 years and is divorced. He is damn sweet and I like to sorta flirt with him because he is totally non-creepy.
Beta ek umar ke baad na ladkiyan nahin milti, rishte aane band ho jaate hain, tu baat maan tu shaadi kar le. #shaadipressure
@Jeeveshu 30 is that Umar
@Jeeveshu Awwwwwwwwww…. you are so sweet
@boogerworm doctor said that too, need less on Sugar now!
I want the dubsmash videos to become a huge trend so we can distinguish between morons and non morons and eliminate the former
Happy to inform that I have only 1 such moron friend on facebook.
Dubsmash is a great way to recognize moronic people with zero IQ and low humour and weed them out. Whoever invented it is a genius.
I may have blocked out the PM on WhatsApp and so didn’t receive the DM.
Am I anti national? Should I move to Pakistan?
In my next janam, I want to be born in a milky way where cricket does not exist
#CBSEResult I wish I hadn’t scored high marks in my 12th boards. I would have been able to study what I wanted to then- arts.
Wait… I just realized normal people would be excited about having plans #unsocialme
Me- when I don’t have any plans
On fabulous hair days, I wish I had a social life. Oh well, I will spend all day admiring them
ONLY on fabulous hair days which are rare
Looking for the best position from where I can look at laptop, TV on the opposite side, cooler, phone and all connected to plug point
This is why yoga 3 times a week… to improve flexibility and curl into convoluted positions
Every minute bae is not glued to PS3 I wonder if all is ok with him
If I stand straight, don’t make a noise or movement, the Vodafone 3G connection appears.
*Cannot connect to twitter*
Shit, its gone
This is also another reason for yoga.
If I ever shoot someone, my excuse will be “Reliance dongle was so slow, it made me insane”‘
Me- You are becoming smart
Him- No, am getting tamed
Me- Same thing
Yaaaay…. Got the visa… Even though we look like criminals in the photos
We do. They are the worst pics of our lives. I am surprised Italy government has no issues letting ugly people visit
Sitting next to someone who does not fit into his tiny seat on flight makes me feel like am living in a Mumbai flat
What would happen to fb status updates without spouses liking and commenting on them? Imagine if polygamy was legal. So many likes.
Let’s legalize polygamy… more likes on facebook for everyone