I type this on the flight as I listen to the most addictive song- “Heartbeat” by Enrique. I don’t think am moving on to the next song. I want to stay here, stuck in this moment for as long as I can.
*I didn’t move on to the next song. Played this on the loop for the next 40 minutes*
I was talking to J the other day and we both agreed human beings are terrible, terrible species. She went as far as to even say that love does not exist. I won’t say that, yet. With each passing year I grow more cynical. Not like depressed and unhappy cynical (like you see me on facebook) but more like any-shit-will-not-surprise-me cynical. I don’t know if that is good or bad. So many things in my mind have changed and I feel like am becoming myself more and more now. Or rather, being able to express myself better now. It is as if I finally don’t care who thinks what and I can say what is on my mind. Even at my workplace. I am less diplomatic as the years go by and it seems to be working out okay.
I just realised I have changed a lot over the years. Till now I thought am the same person. This realization dawned when I met someone who knew me when I was just out of school. I have become more courageous, upfront (compared to everyone around me, I was always quite upfront) and less inclined to tolerate bullshit in people. My tolerance for bullshit has dropped drastically over the years. Even at my workplace.
At the same time I don’t miss my old self. I wish it well though. It was nice being that person but am glad am not that naive anymore.
Human beings are a terrible, terrible species. And it’s ok. If someone had told me this at 18 (am sure my parents did) I wouldn’t have believed them.
If I ever write a book it will have the darkest characters capable of pretty shitty things without any remorse.