Time for some Twitteratti

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Lots of stuff on politics because that’s the flavour of the season even if you are not in Delhi.

You will understand them only if you know the current affairs of India.

 

RushdieExplainsIndia @RushdieExplains

Shiv Sena calls AAP Delhi victory great day for democracy in Saamna!

(Also warns party never to set foot in Maharashtra)

 With reference to Udhavv congratulating Kejriwal on the victory and saying nice things about him. Saamna is Shiv Sena’s newspaper

 

Nistula Hebbar @nistula

Kal se saare UP wale DELHI border pe milenge…..idhar LAPTOP free hai aur udhar WI-FI..

Some party in UP (is it Samajwadi Party?) is giving away free laptops and Kejriwal has promised Delhi free wifi. 

 

RushdieExplainsIndia @RushdieExplains

Modi does the impossible. Wears a suit that’s too much even for Delhi Punjus

Many people wondered why I hate the suit so much. Imagine a guy/girl sitting next to you and hopefully a stranger, wearing a suit with his/her name written on it a hundred times. What would you think of him/her? How twisted or narcissist is a person who wears clothes with his/her own name on it? I get it if you are celebrity like Miley or Britney and fans die to wear your name on their clothes. Ugh!!! 

And Delhi has class and taste. It is the fashion capital of India. That pinstriped suit is not going to get votes. 

 

LaughArchive @Laugharchive ·

TEACHER: What comes after 69?

STUDENT: Mouthwash.

TEACHER: Get out.

I want my kids to crack such jokes in school. Seriously, I do. 

 

Adi @Reviewero ·

BJP had a AAPTard as CM candi so people chose professional AAPtard in place of Freelancer AAPtard

AAPtards on twitter are AAP supporters and NamoTards are Modi/BJP supporters. Both troll and fight and it can get messy and abusive.

Professional AAPtard = Kejriwal

Freelancer AAPtard = Kiran Bedi since she was friends with Kejriwal during the Anna Hazare movement and he wanted her to join AAP

 

Saba Naqvi @_sabanaqvi

BJP got less seats than the number of children they want women to have! They’ll really have to reproduce fast now….

Some guy, I think Sakshi Maharaj from RSS and a MLA, declared that Hindu women should have 4 children. Because then they breed faster than minorities and more Hindus will make the country ‘Hindustan’ instead of ‘India’.

BJP got only 3 seats in the Delhi elections

Thanks Delhites for slapping this guy in the face with a BJP loss. 

 

Shirish Kunder @ShirishKunder ·

Katju feels Kejriwal won because he’s much more beautiful than Kiran Bedi.

Some guy called Katju said that Shazia (previously AAP, switched to BJP in these elections) is more pretty than Kiran Bedi and so she should have been the CM candidate.

 

Neeti Palta @neetipalta ·

Breaking: Police pulls over BJP opposition for riding triple to assembly

Since they have only 3 seats  

 

Biswa Kalyan Rath @kalyanrath ·

Yaar Kejriwal ki placement lag gayi.

Kejriwal is an IIT grad. So is Biswa

 

The शुभेंदू झा ! @BadkaBhaiya ·

Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows it.

Perspective!!! 

RushdieExplainsIndia @RushdieExplains ·

Meanwhile in the Ambani household: Papa, what’s an Aam Admi?

Ambanis are the most hated people in the country. For obvious reasons. They have made the Mumbai skyline uglier with Antilla. Who knew Mumbai could get any more ugly?  

Funtée Mittal @awryaditi ·

Oh no. He ran away

VS.

Oh no. He’s been investigated for genocide.

 Don’t even start a debate with me on this. I just blocked out 2 people yesterday who wanted to know why I think Modi is a murderer. 

Sorabh Pant @hankypanty ·

This must be embarrassing. BJP: “We won the country.”

AAP: “We won the city from which you rule the country. Twice. In a year.”

Sorabh Pant’s stand up is not funny but his articles and tweets are… very funny. 

 

Munish Bhardwaj @MunishBhardwaj ·

High fives all around in Congress camp. “We can’t go any lower!!!”

 In my life, I never want to be in the current situation of Congress. EVER. THAT is how I define failure and ‘down in the dumps’

MrMrRajneesh @MrMrRajneesh

Congress is so endangered that Salman Khan is thinking of shooting it.

 

5 saal ट्विटर @justicearnab

I have no TV at my place right now. got a call from mom and she told me about results. told her “who want TV. I am on Twitter” 🙂

Would you believe I have not turned on the news channels even once? I don’t need to. Twitter tells me everything that’s going on. 

CilemaSnob is now @NotSoSnob

I will take a freebie opium over any fucking religion opium.

 Religion is a NO NO in any election and for any government. 

The Bad Doctor @doctoratlarge ·

The good thing is that the madwoman will not rule Delhi.

The bad thing is that the madman will

 I am not saying Kejriwal is going to be great. But he is not BJP and that’s all that matters. 

 

Trendulkar @Trendulkar

Freedom of speech and all is fine. Just don’t call your girlfriend fat.

 Yes. Free speech has limitations. Don’t believe me? Call your gf/wife fat. Go on, I dare ya.

Shirish Kunder @ShirishKunder

If you think my tweets are offensive, you should see what’s going on in my mind.

 Sooooo true. I am not even 10% as offensive as I really want to be. 

Macist @WritingTom ·

“Welcome to Twitter.

Please take your armchair.

An issue will offend you shortly.”

 

LaughArchive @Laugharchive ·

Racism is when the white iPhone costs more than the black.

Don’t you hate it when stuff is priced differently because of the ‘colour’? Racist, much? 

#Ashutosh83BFanClub @dimaagkoshot

Thanks to Indian Express, Mukesh Ambani now knows where he forgot the chutta money he was looking for since 3 years.

 With reference to HSBC list of people with accounts in Switzerland

Saap Association @saapassociation

@boogerworm a few mates of mine strangled themselves. It was downright disturbing. Like not even remotely hot Just disturbing

This is an association of teenagers who pretend they are snakes on twitter (Don’t even ask). The discussion was with reference to the song ‘Anaconda’ by Nicki Minaj and the effect it had on the snake community.

 

Rails @therealrails ·

Men who successfully buy clothes for their lady are the real Heros amongst us.

And I am one of the lucky ones whose hubby can successfully buy perfect clothes for her. This should be a requirement in matrimonial ads. Seriously. 

 

RushdieExplainsIndia @RushdieExplains ·

Gods file public interest litigation against Indian society for wasting their time.

 

 

 

 

 

 


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