Things I've learned

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– Where is home? That’s something I always wondered. Is it Himatnagar- where I was born? Or Mt Abu- where I studied? Or Ahmedabad- where I completed my schooling and spent 4 years of college? Or Mumbai- where I stayed for a while and hated? Or is it in Gurgaon? I always considered Himatnagar to be home or maybe A’bad. But on my recent trip I realized home is Gurgaon. Home is not a city. It’s not even the bed I slept in. It’s not my room. Home is where you were last happy. And for me, that’s Gurgaon. Home is where you are with people you love. My loved one is in Gurgaon. Home is where I don’t worry what to speak, how to dress, or how to be myself. Home is where I am myself. And Gurgaon is home. And will probably be home for a long time.

– I woke up at 1 am disturbed by the peacocks. Yes, the peacocks. They were making too much noise and I couldn’t sleep. I went back to bed grateful that there are peacocks around my house.

– I don’t understand how people don’t evolve. They make the same mistakes over and over and over again in their lives. Is it because everyone is too scared to tell them the truth or is it because they refuse to hear the truth? It’s important to have a spouse who will hold a mirror to your face. Very important. No, that does not mean you can come and show me the mirror. Thank you but I already have a designated mirror holder.

– Indian parents have few tactics and they are so old that I cringe everytime they are used- emotional blackmail and manipulation. Long time back- in 2008, my parents tried to emotionally blackmail me by telling me my father has fallen seriously ill and taken to the hospital. All because I was stressing them out by my insistence on marrying a guy of my choice. I was devastated and guilty. I picked up a bottle of Domex and drank a few sips. But puked immediately because I don’t have the guts to kill myself. My parents didn’t know. It’s only later I realized that they were just trying to guilt me into doing what they want. That’s when I decided to never be swayed by them again… no matter what. There have been times when my mother has said ‘If you don’t do this, I will not talk to you again’ and my response has been ‘Ok. Then don’t. But I will not do something just because you want me to do it’. It’s taken a lot for me to get to this stage where I am not affected and I don’t care.

– The foundation of any relationship is so important. If the foundation is not strong it won’t survive. And the relationship could be – parents, siblings, marriage, kids, relatives, friends… anything. Right now I have nothing substantial in common with my parents and we never worked on our relationship all these years. I have finally decided to let it go. I used to hope things could get better. But now I realize that is not going to happen. And it’s ok. Our foundation was never strong enough to survive this. Never.

– It’s so important to like a person before you love them. Like, no matter what disagreements I’ve had with some friends… we can get back to normal because at any point of time the number of things I like about them exceeds the number of things I hate. Every relationship starts with things we have in common, then it moves beyond that and we start liking each other. Even if the common things are removed, it’s ok because we like each other and will always find a common meeting ground. I guess that’s why there are some friends whose views I may disagree with vehemently but will be able to see their point of view.

– When KC got to know about my Domex incident, he told me “If you are not strong enough to survive this phase, I don’t think I want to be with you. I don’t want to be with someone weak”. And that changed everything. I realized – threatening to kill yourself is a sign of weakness and not strength. It’s much more difficult to face the hardships of life. I also realized- here is a guy who is upfront, who will not mollycoddle me, who will stand up to me and not mince words.

– Everyone I met asked me about kids and I was so grateful am not in touch with any relatives. It’s so difficult to explain people from small towns whose life is within 4 walls of the house- that there is a life beyond marriage and kids. And there is a world where you don’t do what the society dictates… where you live life on your own terms. Sitting there, in front of a relative, I didn’t know how to tell her that life is not education… then marriage… then kids… then their education.. then their marriage… then their kids… and then death. It’s not. It is so much more.

– I walked out of the house at 10.30 pm and my parents didn’t stop me. I checked into a hotel and called KC. Later I wondered, what kind of parents let you walk out late at night. What kind of parents refuse to let you stay the night at a relative’s place because then society will know and what will they think. And what kind of parents call you next morning and tell you they are ready to compromise if you promise to ‘behave well’ with them. And what kind of parents have a problem with caste and money but are perfectly ok with a man who hit their daughter (not me) for one whole year and what kind of parents are ok with his parents who only try to instigate him. And why do I even want such kind of parents in my life? Why?

Ok. Now am horribly late and need to rush for a shower.

2 thoughts on “Things I've learned

  1. That is how they were brought up. This was their education. I am not condoning what they did but there are things which have been instituted in them since childhood and that is a really difficult thing to change.

  2. That’s difficult to understand… when we stop learning or refuse to learn, our lives have no meaning. Life isn’t about being stagnant but upgrading yourself with every passing year

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