The feminist movement takes a step backwards when…

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– Women take their husband’s surnames. Oh please, adding his name to yours is not a compromise. It is still losing your identity. Please show me one guy willing to change his name for you. Nobody? Exactly. Then why are you doing it? And no, you don’t need to do it legally. All you BOTH need is a marriage certificate.

– When women wear sindoor, mangalsutra, choodas etc. They are still proof of your marital status and your identity in the world. Again, does a man have to prove he is married? No. Then, why woman, are you doing it? It is very difficult to respect you when you draw your identity from your marriage.

I, specially, don’t get it when celebrities do it. Normal people emulate them. On one hand, these women work in women oriented movies, talk about women’s freedom and stand up for their not-so-perfect bodies and then they go and wear sindoor.

Viday Balan- am looking at you. Why the double standards?

– When women don’t earn. In India, financial freedom is everything. My constant fear throughout my life was that I wouldn’t get good grades and be married off to some random guy. All I wanted to do was finish a post graduate (girls in my family are lucky if they get to study that far) and start earning. That is all that drove me. I wanted to be financially independent so I could get away from my family’s regressive views and be my own person. All women should be financially independent, kid or no kid.

– When your money is your money and your husband’s money is also your money. That is so messed up. I feel really bad when the men are expected to completely fund their wife’s lifestyle which includes expensive jewellery and foreign trips. Sure, it is a package deal where the wife lives with the husband’s family and is deferential to them. But seriously woman, you are not independent if you earn your money but spend your husband’s.

Some reactions to this post will be- to each their own. Well, women should lead the change in society and when they decide to succumb to it, it affects all of us. For every woman who has changed her name, there are 100s of men who expect their wives to do the same. Let us decide to say “Fuck off” to every man who has a different standard for us.

And men- if you expect any or all of the above from your wives, you are guilty too. Why can’t you take a stand and say “No. My wife will not take my name”.

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