The darkness is back

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I can feel myself getting drawn into the darkness. I spent almost a month on a friend’s bed this year. I was ill, had no place to live or even the will to live. I recovered when I found a house to move into. One day at a time I brought myself out of that hole. But now it’s back. A part of me wants to stay here and let everything go. I will gain weight and hate it. I will cry to sleep and wake up crying. I will spend weeks just trying to get normal. Everything in my life- my work, blogging, running, gym, friendships, marriage will suffer if I do that.

So, am going to get out of bed, change my clothes, take a Crocin, wash my face, put on a big smile and pretend like am ok. Because sometimes when you pretend hard enough, it becomes second nature.

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