Stuff I hate to shop for

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  • Indian wear

If I look at a saree or Indian dresses, I have no idea what looks good. My mind goes blank, my style quotient disappears and I become a zombie. I haven’t worn Indian wear in a few years and don’t buy it anymore. Good riddance. Also, I can’t take the blouse and petticoat digging into my flesh and trying to kill me. There is nothing sexy about being in pain.

  • Toothbrushes

I walk into a store looking for a toothbrush and am bombarded with black bristles, gold in bristles, skinnier bristles, flexible handles, thinner bristles, softer bristles. ALL I WANT IS A FUCKING TOOTHBRUSH. I have half a mind to rebel against the toothbrush companies and stop using one.

  • Smartphones

Android? Windows? IOS? How about all of them suck with their stupid operating systems and cannot do one simple thing right.

Android- Stop signing me into gtalk. I don’t fucking use it. And let me delete some of the apps. They are outdated. Stop becoming slow after a few months of use.

IOS – Why do you act like a supermodel at a party among common people? Stop being so pricey. Let me use a memory card instead of charging me atrocious amounts of money for memory. And can I please have access to the battery?

Windows – I tried. A lot. I have given you more than any other relationship in my life but now it’s sort of over. These are our last few months together. We cannot have a future just because I gave you my virginity.

  • Running

I don’t care if pronation is a “fact”. I don’t believe in it. Until a serious runner does not tell me pronation is an important aspect of buying shoes, am not going to listen to the brands. I still have no idea what kind of shoes are good and which ones are not. Extra cushioning? Barefoot running? Bounce? I hate buying running shoes.

  • Jewelry

There is a reason I don’t wear jewelry. Jewelry shopping is the most boring thing in the world. Worse, you then have to wear it. When my sister was getting married, we spent hours in a jewelry shop spending money. For some reason, I was asked for my opinion and I kept saying “nice” to everything hoping she would just buy SOMETHING and we could leave. Why, women, why. Why do you torture the rest of us with this useless piece of metal?

  • Clocks

This sounds insane even to me and my sanity levels are super low. Don’t ask me why this is on the list but I have never spent money on a clock. Once I managed to pick out one from Chumbak but it came home broken. Since a replacement was taking time I just asked them to refund my money instead. We haven’t got around to replacing the glass of the broken clock. Hopefully, we do it in 2016.

  • Carpets

I have no idea what goes with black and brown furniture. Should we have a mute colour carpet or something loud? How do you get everyone to “match”? Needless to mention, we just bought a small rug so our asses don’t freeze when we sit on the floor.

That’s it. Anything else I can shop for.

 

 


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