People who offer you a drink 

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Real life conversation

Him – Let’s meet over beer

Me – I don’t want to drink

Him – Oh c’mon. It is just a beer. And I really want to drink 

Me – So drink 

Him – But I don’t want to drink alone

Me – Then don’t drink

Him – But I want to drink

Me – Toh drink 

Him – But I don’t want to drink alone 

Me – If I order a drink it means the conversation is terrible and I want to shoot my brains

The meeting never happened and I stay up at night wondering why. 

I had hoped that once I crossed 30 years of age there would be no pressure to pretend to be cool and I could lead my supremely boring life without judgement. But alas, that is not to be. From trying to keep me up beyond 10 pm, making me skip my workouts, trying to force liquor down my throat and smoke up my nostrils; I have to deal with worse peer pressure than I did in school. 

This rant isn’t about people who drink and smoke (up). Everyone has the right to make terrible choices without judgement. This rant is about people who force others to join them in their drinking and smoking up. 

Like everything in my life, if I want to do something, I do it and don’t go looking for company. Isn’t that what marriage is for? So we have someone for company? When I can’t emotionally blackmail my partner into joining me, I go and watch that play anyway. 

Life is too short to deal with flakiness. 

When I want to drink, I open a bottle of cheap port wine, pour it into my Shrek mug, post a pic on IG and drink. Drinking is as much a social activity as watching a play is. Which means it isn’t. You need ears, eyes, brains and money to enjoy a play. How is another human warming the seat next to yours going to add to your experience? Ditto for drinking. 

If I really want to stuff my body with poison, it is always going to be with excessive biryani (hashtag biryanifan, nevertoomuchbiryani, madeof80%biryani). 

Sure, I could just lie and say I quit drinking but I have care about people to lie to them. And then I will never be able post a pic of my debauchaery on social media. 

The whole objective of my life is that by the time I turn 40 yrs, I never have to meet another human being. So people who want company to drink are a major inconvenience. 

I know life is pathetic, I don’t need liquor to deal with this fact. And I only hang out with interesting people so I don’t need liquor to dull my senses and heighten the pleasure. 

If you want to hang out over a drink, what you are saying is “I can’t deal with your bullshit without a high”.

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