P.S I love you

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Dear H (because if I write your nickname everyone will know who am talking about),

Ideally, I would like to put this letter in a bottle and send it across the ocean but I live very far away from water. So, I am just going to drop this message in the digital universe and hope it reaches you someday… when you are really down and need a little pick-me-up. I also strongly believe in telepathy and maybe… just maybe… by the time I finish typing you will suddenly think of me and wonder why. You will wonder, why, after all these years of little or no contact, you are sparing me a thought.

I wish I could drop by your place like the old days. Technically, I can. But I don’t think the welcome will be as warm. I could even type all this out in a sms (you probably don’t use WhatsApp) but am pretty sure there won’t be a reply. And that will hurt so much. It is bad enough you have left a tiny hole in my heart.

I am not angry… not anymore. You become an adult when you learn to move on… when you learn to not seek answers to difficult questions. I have moved on, dealt with your absence in my life.

But I am sad. Sad that life, marriage and kids have gotten in the way. Or have they? Communication is a choice specially in today’s times. More than that, am worried. Your silence worries me. I hope you are ok. I hope you are happy. I hope you have friends. I don’t agree with your life’s choices but that is not even the point. As long as you are doing what you want to do.

I don’t understand it but I will stand by you if you are sure about it.

Isn’t that love? I find it ridiculous when “love” is tainted by relationship. I love my parents, my kids, my siblings, my lover, my husband, my friends. Ugh!!! Relationship is a small part of love… sometimes it isn’t even part of it. Love lasts forever. Relationship makes love feel like a transaction. I love you… because we are married or you are my kid or because we are friends.

So, when the relationship ends, what happens to the love? It doesn’t just disappear. True love lasts forever and ever.

What I am trying to say is- irrespective of the ups and downs our friendship goes through, I will be there. I am one phone call, one flight, one WhatsApp, one sms away…. maybe even…. one thought away. I will be there. You just have to think of me… and I will be there.

All I want is for you to be happy…. with or without me in your life.



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