Over the hill but not under it

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As soon as you cross 30 years of age, restful sleep at night is the single most important thing. Whether you spend the next day feeling hungover with every small problem becoming magnified a 100 times or get through it with unbridled enthusiasm, depends on the number of hours you sleep at night.

The reason for my sleeplessness is so ridiculous that am going to take the secret to my grave. Also, I really should stop cracking jokes about death and graves. When KC walked in at 3 am, I sighed in relief and fell asleep promptly.

It has been a day when I wish I had PMS so bingeing on air fried french fries and samosas could be justified. Air fried so less oil and mutton kheema samosas so protein.

I spent an hour thinking about a task today and wondering what is the best solution to the problem. Technically, it is not part of my job. But right now the shadow of anything that crosses my desk is my job. Because if I don’t do it, nobody else will. Or worse, they will screw it up. And if God is my witness, there is no way in hell am going to let someone make things worse than what they already are. The only way we are going from here is up. That’s what she said

Since am not working for money or fame or designation or networking, there is a naive hope that things will get better and we will be back to the good not-so-old days.

I scrolled through my contact list wondering who I should call for help. A colleague or an ex colleague? I called X and told him the problem. Even though he works in a different office and different department, he promptly cleared his schedule for me. We brainstormed for 45 mins and came up with an innovative but practical solution.

How do you express your gratefulness to a colleague? We have expectations from friends but the rapport with a colleague is a unique relationship altogether. A whole year of sharing a desk with someone, which is as intimate you can (or should) get with a work buddy; but never knowing what is behind that facade. Sometimes, when you are travelling together and have time to kill after work and before a flight/train, secrets may come spilling out. You may get a glimpse of the person behind the armour and while those moments are rare, they do form a life long bond. Did X go out of his way to help because he is still emotionally connected to his earlier team or because he was bored with his current task and needed a break or was it because I asked him for help and he wouldn’t turn me down? The reasons don’t matter.

I have spent 4-5 years in the current organization and there are certain people I can bank on. I may not keep in touch with them everyday or call for general chit chat but am sure they won’t turn down any request I make. The bond is formed over projects accomplished together and strengthened through mutual respect for similar work ethics.

Anyway, I was touched with X’s support. The day ended with another person asking me how am doing. He spent 30 mins giving me advice on what and how I should do things. While I do suspect his motives, this small bit of kindness left me feeling lonely and missing my workplace in Mumbai.

Just as I was ready to pack my bags, rush home and tuck myself in bed, I had to spend 30 mins trying to mollify somebody. My number is on the speed dial of people who I have spoken to once or twice in the last 2 years. I am worried a year down the line, I will stop reacting to anything and everything.

Who knew the path to Nirvana is through listening to people rant about inconsequential stuff that has zero impact on their lives.

Adios, if I don’t sleep tonight there will be more emotional posts coming your way. Now we wouldn’t want too many of those, do we?


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