I broke down today like I haven’t done in a long time. It was not because of something specific… just too many things which frustrated me. I hate manipulative people ‘coz I am not like that. I am too honest and straight forward. Manipulating someone takes a lot of effort and I am too lazy to care so much. But everyone is not like me and I hate it when someone does it to me. Of course corporate life is full of such people and I should be used to it by now. But… it hurts.
I pulled myself off the floor and decided to postpone the breakdown after gymming. Yeah… sometimes I do take it too far. I have started losing weight finally and do not want to lose the momentum… no matter what.
And now that I am back the frustration is at the back of my mind. I am actually scared… very scared. The realization that sharing worries with your loved one is never the best thing to do has hit me. It makes the other person feel helpless and frustrated. It helps to vent it out to a neutral person.
I am not looking forward to 2011. I have a feeling things will go further downhill. In 2010 everytime I thought it cannot get any worse… it did. And now I have no hope. I think I will just resign myself to destiny without even trying. Go with the flow and stop trying to stay afloat.
I am tired of being stagnant… being neither here nor there. Precious time is passing me by and I am stuck in a rut.