As I wait for my TRX class to start after 1.5 hrs, am typing this out in a coffee shop. I could have gone home but it sounds very depressing. Last evening I had panic attacks (I didn’t even know what they were till they started happening) and was a complete mess by the time KC came home. He didn’t console or hug me but asked me to get it together. When my friends said the same thing today, I realised the self pity needs to stop. Yes, I am right. Yes, it hurts. Yes, I didn’t do anything wrong. I am like the bystander who got injured in an accident while I was going about my day.
I told myself to breathe in and breathe out and look at it as an opportunity. Maybe this is what I had been looking for to get out of the comfort zone. Maybe I will look back at this a year later and know why it happened. Maybe things won’t turn out as bad as I think they will. I don’t know what I want but I do know what I DON’T want. In my head, the choices and options are clear.
Next week my life is going on to change and whether it is A or B that happens, it isn’t necessarily a good thing. But neither is status quo. It is the waiting that is killing me.
Also, this has screwed up my fitness regime and am NOT happy about it. Time to get back. Life is what happens when am not in the gym or outdoors.