Naam kya hai

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There is a weird tradition in India… maybe even around the world. Women have to take their husband’s name after marriage. I don’t know know how it began and the logic behind it. Another way to oppress women? If yes, why is it still followed? Convenience???

Before marriage I told KC I would not change my name. He freaked out a little. In his defence we were going through a tough time with parents and everything freaked us out. I avoided any further discussion and decided to cross the bridge when we reach it (this is a good way of avoiding conflict with spouse). After marriage we got a marriage certificate to prove the wedding without having to change names. There has been slight pressure from in-laws regarding this… ok, not pressure… but whenever the topic has come up (twice) I have refused to change my name citing inconvenience. They dropped it after that. Anyway, I have to sign documents to change my name and so it cannot be done without my consent.
Below are my reasons for this (I cannot believe I have to give reasons to keep my name):
  • I cannot think of even one logical reason to change the name… why? why? why?
  • I have been BG all my life…. becoming BC is like changing myself… and it does not sound “Me”
  • How do I change from BG to BC on all documents- passport, pancard, driving license, business card, investments, facebook, email etc etc. Who has the time to run around government offices? Like I do not have to do already
  • Will my hubby agree to change his name to mine? No….then why should I. ‘Coz I am a woman? What happened to equality?
Ok… Maybe it is convenient when you have kids… but the same question arises. Why should my kids carry my hubby’s surname and not mine? My body will give them birth and they cannot have my name? Hello…. 90% of the work in birth giving process is mine, after all. But then we will cross that bridge when we reach it. Hopefully, we never will.
The good part is nobody in my professional life expected me to change my name. It is definitely a rising trend among working women.
Everytime I come across any effort on anyone’s part to change my name it infuriates me. Why do I have to fight for my own name? Why? Why? Why?

3 thoughts on “Naam kya hai

  1. How long have you been married?? If its 4+ then this issue of name change long dragged on. By this time it should have been settled and made peace with, either ways. My in laws n hubby never asked me to change my surname more becoz of the inconvience associated with it like you mentioned in your post. Another wonder thing is that in mallu-menon/nair world, its a matriarchy which means the guy comes to the girls family. There is no concept of Kanyadaan in our caste. This works well for us:) But what I feel, as far as, your internal debate goes is that in a few years time everybody will forget about it and let it be. Till then you can keeping citing- We will cross the bridge when we get there!!!

  2. Liked the idea in this post – ‘we will cross that bridge when we reach it’.
    Liked the comment from sliceofmylife even more.
    Even I do not see a reason for changing the name. However, my spouse has changed the name already 🙂

  3. @Anita: Well… I have been married 1.5 years… it is an internal debate but I also do not understand why women give up their names in general

    @ Jani: Good for you… but why did she change it?

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