My uterus… my business

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I attended Radhika Vaz’s show Older, Angrier, Hairier last night. It took me almost 2 hours to reach the venue because peak period traffic. She started off slow and I was like… maybe I should walk out and save the time. Money is toh anyway gone. But then she started talking about the Indian belief that all women MUST have kids. And I was like- she is my soulmate. Can I marry her? Radhika is 43 years old, married and does not want to have kids. Most of my friends don’t have kids and that is a big relief but what happens when they do? From what I have seen, the general tendency is to go around questioning every childless woman as soon as you pop one out. Because why should she be the only one to go through the torture? It is more fun to get everyone to join in, na?

If you are a man, you have no idea what it feels like. And if you are a woman, you know what I mean. These days, I reserve all my good feelings for people who have never made my uterus their business because there are such few of them. I wouldn’t be surprised if soon Arnab Goswami will bring random panelists and debate over why I don’t have a kid. This is how the debate will go…

  • Do you think she really does not like kids or is she is just pretending?
  • Is she still on pills but pretending to be “trying”?
  • Is she scaring away the sperms through mind control, voodoo or general baby hatred?
  • Is her uterus anti baby too?
  • Did she suffer a trauma in her past or even pichla janam which has made her like this?
  • Etc etc etc…

I am pretty sure that will get higher ratings than the Sheena Bora case.

A few months back, an acquaintance got drunk and as politely as she could… asked me to “stop with the anti baby stuff”. Her reasoning was that once I have a kid it will be ok… I will not be so anti kids.

I feel like nobody seems to get the point.

I HAVE THE CHOICE TO NOT HAVE A KID. IT IS AN OPTION. IT IS A CHOICE.

Indians seem to miss the point. Radhika also said that her husband’s view in the issue does not matter. Because it is her uterus and 9 months of HER life. I agree with her. My uterus… my business and my choice. If a man wants a kid, he should just go buy a uterus.

Another point she made was how these days we are told we can and should have it all. A career AND a home. Has anyone noticed how that is not the case for men? There is no pressure on a man to have it all. They continue to be sucky fathers, sucky at home, sucky in bed and sucky in their careers. While WE, the women, have to balance things. We cannot be great mothers and in mediocre jobs or terrible mothers and be awesome at our careers. Nooooooo. We need to have BOTH.

Between a sucky career and a sucky mother, I’d rather be the latter. Because I am already good at my job, why do I want to suck at it? I will be a terrible mother. I mean, in a country like India the standards for being a good parent are not too high anyway. Don’t rape your kid, don’t murder her (male babies don’t get murdered), don’t sell her off for money, don’t marry her off for status/caste/religion, don’t beat the child etc. It is quite simple, actually.

But until I have a child whose life I can make miserable, am just happy I don’t have one to make my life miserable.

Also… women… a piece of advice… get your man to sign on a stamp paper that he does not want/like kids BEFORE the marriage so he cannot change his mind later when he has a mid life crisis.

 


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