Meeting an ex’s ex

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The title is click bait but the intention isn’t. This is the reason why it has taken me weeks to write about this. According to KC, this meeting has pushed me to the edge of sanity and into the ‘psycho’ territory. The only saving grace is that am not alone.

I ‘bumped’ into G on instagram and we chatted. We also planned to meet when I was in her town for work. I had a clear objective for that meeting. I needed answers to two questions. They were the only questions I didn’t have satisfactory answers to from ex.

  1. Did he start dating G while we were together? We slept with each other a few months after the ‘final’ breakup and I kept wondering if he had started seeing G then. (No, they hadn’t started seeing each other then)
  2. He sent me a nasty email which was the breaking point for me and made it easy for me to get over him. Recently he told me that mail was sent by G from his email address and he was not aware. “Bullshit”; I wanted to say but didn’t. G’s reply to this? “No, I didn’t. Even now I don’t use bad language. That just isn’t me”. And I believe her.

Why were they important? Why did I need to connect the dots? Why wasn’t I happy with the simpler black and white version? I guess the point isn’t how much people can lie or cover up or how afraid they are to reveal their motives. The point is how far can a human being go. It is interesting to note things we do even when there is nothing at stake and we don’t care about the other person’s judgement.

The meeting was interesting because I genuinely liked G. She and I are similar in many ways which is a little weird too. I guess we wanted to know if there was a pattern to the behavior and exchange notes on his version vs hers. The good part is I have never had anything negative to say about her and even when ex was giving his version of events my response was “Well, I think she is a nice person and you’ve been a fool”.

You can choose to disbelieve this part but that’s the truth

All in all, it wasn’t a specific interest in ex that made me do this but an interest in human nature.

Why should I avoid meeting someone just because she was married to someone I dated in the past? That makes no sense. Is that the only identity we have? Isn’t there more to life? Do we need to agree with every aspect of a person to have a conversation with them?

I guess this is closure. And am glad the puzzle is complete at a point when it doesn’t matter anymore.

 

 


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