Managing expectations

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The only time I use corporate language is when I know what it means. Yesterday was spent in conflicts resolution. The first I had been anticipating all day while the other was when I was dead tired and looking forward to a dreamless sleep. 

A large part of my job is conflicts resolution and that is so unlike me. But it is a skill I have been honing for a while now. Some days I lose my temper and it is exasperating while other days I roll up my sleeves, swallow my ego, remember the end objective and spread my legs like a whore. The biggest part of this is understanding the other person’s point of view and explaining mine. In simpler language, it is called emotional blackmail and manipulation. I don’t do it in my personal life because I don’t expect anything from anyone. If I don’t want anything, why will I manipulate or emotionally blackmail? Also, it doesn’t come naturally to me so doing it 24/7 will push me to the brink of insanity. Few hours a day is manageable though. 

Last night I realised that someone will not understand your point of view if they don’t want to. If the objective is that only I win, nobody eventually wins. 

I also like myself when am calm while dealing with conflicts. I consider it a win if I don’t lose my temper or am not thinking about it over and over all the time. That has been happening quite a lot these days. Sure, there are some situations I wish I had handled better. I am trying to stay away from the object of conflict till I have calmed down and am ready to listen to his/her point of view with an open mind.

Why this sudden change? 

Is it because am staying alone and there is nobody to calm me or not enough distractions to prevent my dwelling on conflicts? 

Is it because my job demands it? 

Is it because am older now? 

Is it because my mentor has been giving me this advice and feedback for years now? 

Is it because I attended a training on crucial conversations which has made an impact?

 Whatever it is, I have come a long way since I was 18. 


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