Irony loves me

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8 months back I quit a new job 4 months after joining. It was a terrible workplace and like most start ups, there were ethical compromises. The details of that decision and experience are for another blog post on another day.

In the last 6 months, every organization I had applied for jobs during the unemployment period has reached out to me. No, not the head hunters but the HR itself. And am not sure if I should laugh or cry at the irony. Sure, things worked out fine. Am working in a great place at an excellent salary in the profile I was looking for. Am surrounded by well wishers at work and my manager is a very close friend. The city is comfortable with great food, lots of travel destinations around the city and KC is with me. So, yeah. Things worked out great even though it required some compromises.

Everytime the HR contact me, I want to tell them “Where the hell were you 8 months back? What is the point now? Am not going to quit from here for a very long time” but all I say is “Am not looking for opportunities right now but let’s stay in touch. In the meantime, maybe I can refer someone for the job”.

I spent months feeling like a failure, cut off from most of my friends, lost interest in most things – gym, reading, blogging, sex and had to see a therapist to help me build back my confidence. I am still the same person. So, what is the difference between then and now? Nothing, really. Just luck. Or destiny. I don’t know. During those months I would think that there is a plan for me and I just have to wait for it to unfold. Well, I still don’t know what the plan is. I have no idea where am going to be and what am going to be doing a year down the line.

All I know is today. And maybe tomorrow. And maybe this month. That’s it.

A friend called today because she was upset. She wondered why she has only 2 or 3 people she can reach out to when she is depressed. And I thought back to my low days. I didn’t reach out to anyone. Sure, KC was there. My family didn’t nag me about being unemployed because I had broken down in front of them. But I didn’t reach out to any of my close friends. Nor did I keep up pretences due to which the friendship suffered.

All I wanted to do was stay home and somehow make it to the gym. That’s all.

A normal person would feel validated  by the sudden surge of interest but not me. Am going to find a way to crib about this as well.

  1. Good night.

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