Definitions (original… do not plagiarise)
Extrovert : A person who pretends like he/she has never met a boring person in his/her life
Introvert : A person who pretends like he/she has never met an interesting person in his/her life
Ideal scenario : To each his own. Both can survive with each other with minimal interaction.
Real life : Extroverts making an introvert feel like shit for who he/she is.
Extroverts are in demand… they have always been. After spending my whole life being judged for being an introvert and trying to change myself I have finally embraced the peace that comes with being an introvert.
I take certain pride in doing things without company- going for a movie/play, watching stand up comedy shows, drinking at a pub, eating at a restaurant etc etc and having married a man who I find interesting 80% of the time, I don’t see the point in seeking company.
But the problem are the extroverts, who not only suffer from the inaccurate notion that they are very interesting but also try to bring introverts down by judging them for being “different”.
Here are all the scenarios I have to deal with as an introvert:
- At work
Extroverts : Know about the personal life and family of your reportees, your manager, your peers… and even the peon.
My response : I will not discuss my personal life at work or be interested in anyone else’s.
True story :
The peon at the office wants to know why I live on rent in Gurgaon and not in Noida since rents in Gurgaon are very high. I ignore him. When I come back from a long leave, he wants to know where I went and if I was ill. I ignore him.
Just come to work, do your job and leave. What is with all the unnecessary chit chat?
- While running
Extroverts : Let’s run together and talk while we run
My response : You think you are more interesting than the music am listening to? I don’t think so.
Running with someone means matching your pace with theirs, running on a mutually decided route, waking up earlier. I’d rather wake up when I feel like it, run where I feel like it and train at the pace I am training for.
- At lunch
Extroverts : Let us all eat lunch together, share our food and then swap sexist stories about our wives (I work in a male dominated field)
My response : Thanks but no thanks. I like to eat my lunch in 15 minutes and get back to work so I can leave early and hit the gym. By the way, I don’t like to share food.
(Is that why people do that thing where they don’t eat “jhootha” food so they don’t have to share food. Now I get it. Very smart)
True story: One of my managers would join us for lunch and then proceed to feed us his tiffin so his wife wouldn’t scold him for leftovers. After 2 days of politely eating crappy food, we started avoiding him at lunch.
- At a play
Extroverts : You are watching a play alone? Why?
My response : Last I checked, you need eyes, ears and money to watch and enjoy a play. I am not sure what another person sitting in the chair next to me contributes to that. And you will always get a ticket for 1 seat… even 5 mins before the play.
- At a stand up comedy show
Extrovert : Akele akele?
My response : Haan. I am here to listen to my favourite stand up comedian and not to listen to you so please shut the fuck up
- At a restaurant
Extrovert : How can you eat alone?
My response : With my two hands and one mouth which I use for eating rather than talking boring stuff. By the way, don’t talk to me unless you are more interesting than the book am reading.
Here is what I think about extroverts…
They are afraid of their own shitty company, so afraid, in fact, that they’d rather be with someone… anyone than alone. And no, extroverts don’t have more friends than introverts. There is a difference between “hanging out” with someone and being friends. A big difference.
So all your extroverts- please leave us introverts alone. Go ahead and call us “weird” and “freaks” behind our backs… we don’t care. Just leave us alone. That is all we want from you.
This post is inspired by Biswa’s stand up show “Biswa in your face” where he does a segment on introverts.