Hey. I was fast asleep since 10.30 pm but woke up and could not get my mind off some stuff. So I am just going to write it all here.
Nirbhaya’s rapist has been interviewed by BBC and it will be telecast on NDTV sometime this week. I don’t know which rapist is this one… how brutal he was with her… who interviewed him or why… and when it is being telecast. I have deliberately stayed away from details. I also don’t know what he says in the interview except the headline which is hard to miss.
The reaction on above has been:
– Male : See- He is such an asshole. We have people like him in society!!!!
– Women : Why was he interviewed?
I am not generalizing. I haven’t come across any woman on fb/twitter who does not feel that way. I cannot say ‘real life’ because I don’t meet women on a normal day unless I make the effort and even then we don’t talk about such droll stuff.
I will tell you why women don’t have a man’s reaction to this. Because we hear of what the rapist is saying in our daily lives.
I’ve heard it :
– My masi telling me – If you don’t get good marks, you will have to get married and trust me after marriage, life is not great.
I was in 4th std
– My mother telling me- Nobody will want o sit next to you if you get divorced and come back home
I was a teenager then
– Another masi telling me- What? You don’t know how to clean the kitchen platform? What are you saying?
I was in 9th std and just started cooking because it put me in the good books of my mother since sister hated cooking
– It’s any man saying – Women can’t drive
– A random Mumbai autowala saying – Drive kyun karne dete hon inko
– A cousin brother who tries to feel you inappropriately while playing ‘house- house’
– It’s a random broker asking your husband in front of you – Don’t you mind that she hasn’t changed her surname?
– It’s your colleague asking – Why don’t you cook?
– It’s every man asking – When are you going to have kids?
– It’s every man who stares at you for wearing clothes which don’t reach your knees
– Every man who thinks public transportation is fun because they can feel up a woman
– Any man who has ever sent an appropriate sms to his female colleague
– It’s that man on the bike who grabbed at your boobs at 6 am when you were rushing off for your tuitions during 11th/12th std. And the only reason you didn’t get raped was because you saw 2 old men taking a walk and went to them for help.
Otherwise that would have been the day you would get raped for the 2nd time.
Have I met Nirbhaya’s rapist? Yes. Plenty of times. I probably even see/meet him everyday.
I know what he has to say. I know what he thinks. I know how much risk I take everyday by wearing what I want, eating what I want, talking what I do- with foul language and all, having sex with who I want.
Everyday that I don’t get raped I thank my stars- no matter which city I live in… what I do… what I wear…
I am grateful, every single day.
– I am on my guard 24/7
– I scream at my husband when he does not double lock the door as soon as we are home
– I never have more than 1 drink if I have to take a cab back home or even public transportation
– I never have more than 1-2 drinks at an office party. Never. Because that rapist is probably lurking somewhere in the office party
– I have plans and back up plans when I go out so am not stranded somewhere
– I am careful what I talk on the phone in public because I don’t know who is listening
– I am on my guard in the cab, auto, malls, theatres, shops, public loos, hospitals, markets- everywhere
And so I do not want a rapist to spew his venom in my house. I don’t want his dirty views on my newspaper or on my television. The only way I can walk out of my house everyday is believing that everyone does not think like him. And if they do, am protected enough to know they cannot reach me.
Imagine all the women who have been raped and are alive. Having to hear and see their rapist on TV. Imagine Nirbhaya’s parents reading/watching that. Thinking that the fight for justice has been such a waste.
And people who think a rapist has remorse and says ‘Sorry’ are just optimistic fools. That’s not really internet-breaking or TRP generating now, is it? It’s more shocking to have a rapist on TV who makes women feel like shit all over again.
If you read the interview or watch the show, I will question your presence in my life.
I hope to god something else gets banned in Mumbai tomorrow and this topic gets sidelined on twitter again else am off social media till the whole issue dies down.
And people- I don’t want to discuss this outside of my blog. All comments welcome.