I am a woman… Yaay… But I wish I was a man

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Most days am like… I am a woman Yaay… I have boobs, you don’t… Yaay.

But then there are days like these and it sucks to be a woman and I would gladly give up my boobs for a penis

– When I haven’t shaved my legs and have to wear ankle length clothes. This is especially true in summers. I cannot wear shorts without shaving my legs. I would like to, but I cant. My internal checks will not allow me to. I need to use a razor in the shower every fucking single day

*only prefer shaving over other methods of hair removal. Let me know if you want a post on that*

*Am not so finicky about hairy hands though I don’t let them grow beyond a certain point. And I find shaving hands a bigger drag compared to legs*

* I have no qualms about dropping my clothes in front of a woman. I have to do that at the salon anyway*

– When you have to spend hours and thousands of rupees at the salon. It’s true men don’t ask you to do this. But can any woman truly live without threading her eyebrows, bleaching her face, a facial, manicure pedicure for hands and legs and waxing her back? I cannot. I wish I could but I cannot. And its so boring. Who the fuck said a salon is a place to relax? No. Its not. Its a place where we go to inflict pain on ourselves voluntarily.

*Thankfully the dermatologist has asked me to avoid facials due to current skin condition. That is a hell lot of money saved for now*

*Don’t even get me started on bikini waxing. You are a man and think you have a high threshold for pain? I dare ya to try bikini waxing. You will cry your eyes out. THAT, my friend, is bravery*

– When you have a conflict, only to realize later it was just PMS. In real life I disagree with all the stupidity about PMS. No fucking way are my hormones bypassing logic and controlling emotions for a few days every month. BUT they are. And I feel fucking helpless. Why are there no medicines or yoga asanas to deal with this?

– When you menstruate. I have been taught to be grateful about menstruation. You will never hear me complain or rant about it. Its a gift that women have and men don’t. It proves that I can make life and men cant. Which means I have special powers and men don’t.

BUT its not easy.

  1. Basically we bleed continuously for 4-5 days every month. It is mostly non stop. Imagine that. As a man, you can afford to be afraid of blood but as a woman, I cannot. I have to man up or rather woman up and deal with it.
  2. It has taken years of practice to be prepared for those days. Carry a sanitary napkin with me at all times when my periods are a day or two away. Thanks to birth control pills that never was a problem since periods were as punctual as I am. What about women who have irregular periods? They need to be prepared all the time. And some kind women carry sanitary napkins all the time incase they come across a woman in need which happens quite often.
  3. It has taken years of practice not to get clothes stained with blood. Especially when am sleeping. Some of the credit does go to sanitary napkins brands like Whisper. 10 years back I would have a special position to sleep in to prevent staining my clothes at night. And for 3-5 fucking nights.
  4. I am horniest when am ovulating and menstruating. Sigh. The lesser said about this, the better it is
  5. It has taken me months to ignore the pain and continue with my workouts. I scouted the internet for articles which suggest resting during periods. But everyone suggests it’s best to stay active. So I womaned up and stopped skipping the gym. Yes, it does help.
  6. It took me lots of reading up on the internet to realize I don’t need to skip swimming. Tampons to the rescue. Imagine plugging your hole with a cylinder. So much fun!!!

– When you have to wear a bra. What is with this nation’s obsession with a bra? Why do I have to wear it all the time when am outdoors. Bras are uncomfortable. Its like caging a bird. Everyone is up in arms about animal cruelty. What about cruelty to the boobs? There is no greater feeling in the world than coming home and taking that bra off without removing your clothes. Yep, there is a technique to it. Again, years of practice.

– When I have to worry about my nipples showing through my clothes. I would happily wear non padded bras which are so much more comfortable until a batchmate pointed that she can see my nipples though my clothes. Since then, life has been all about camouflaging those nipples through all kinds of bras and slips. I have nipples… So do men. Why do I need to be ashamed of them? And then there will be times when I think everything has been taken care of but they will get hard because of cold or horniness and well… I will be embarrassed and try to hide it again.

Okies. Off to bed. Loving this app since I can blog on the phone. Good night. Hope it does not fucking rain because then there goes the plan of running at Lodi Gardens. Actually, now am thinking of alternative roads to run on. GFR or Galleria? I shall let my legs take me whenever they want to go.

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