Hair raising tale

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I was at my favourite yoga class on Saturday afternoon concentrating hard on the hot female trainer’s abs when a guy walked in late. He passed by me to pick up a mat and look for space. Only the most confident people place their mats in the front row, the rest of us huddle as far as possible. I kept praying this guy does not spend the next 1 hour next to me… my prayers were answered the way they usually are. He walked up beside me and spent the next 1 hour doing yoga while I tried to practice breathing while trying not to smell him. He had just walked in from a session of intense cardio or weight lifting and I could smell the sweat from his every pore. Why, oh, why, don’t people carry a deo to the gym and spray it on when needed? But then again, the problem is not the sweat which is unavoidable and the deodorant will not solve the problem. Problem is the hair… long, dark and dirty.

I wish we all lived in a world where nobody cared about hair, specifically, body hair. Unfortunately, I will have to build a time machine (my MBA course did not teach me that), travel back in time and change the way people think.

So, I want a world free of hair. We, women, for whatever lame reason are almost there. You will rarely find a female who flaunts armpit hair. Every woman has removed hair from one or more parts of her body at some point in her life. The only time we don’t look at our hair in disgust is during extreme winters because we need them. Rest of the year we have been brainwashed by the men to tolerate extreme pain to look “presentable”.

I am ok with the pain and stuff. What I am not ok with is why men get to flaunt their hair. Armpit hair is ugly on both genders. Why do I have to ensure my arms are shaved while men turn up in sleeveless tees and disgust the hell out of me? Why this imbalance? Why the discrimination? In fact, men need to wax more than women because they have more body hair compared to women. You don’t like to see hair on my legs, hands, armpits, chin, upper lip? Well, I don’t like to look at your hair either. Shave it off.

I need to mention this though- there is only one man I know who defended a woman’s right to not shave her body hair. In fact, he was disgusted by a discussion on whether laser removal for arm pits is safe or not. All the other men want their women minus body hair. I remember this joke by Russell Peters where he says “Women… we don’t have a problem with the colour of your hair” referring to women who bleach their hair.

What I am trying to say is… men- body hair is disgusting and it smells. You are anyway low on hygiene and smell horrible. Please shave off those hair. At the very least, shave your armpits. And yes, a deodorant is mandatory. Carry one with you at all times. I know when I smell, how can you not?

Few months back I trolled Sahil Shah (stand up comedian) on twitter and he replied back with the picture of a female showing her arm pit hair. It was supposed to be offensive or something. That is the problem- somewhere in our minds, beauty for women is different from beauty for men. I don’t agree. This metrosexual trend where men get manicures, pedicure, facial etc etc is very welcome according to me. Blackheads are blackheads- whether on a man or a woman. Why do I have to put in all this money, time and effort to eliminate them while men get to flaunt them?

 


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