For all the people not on twitter

Posted on

I don’t know why people are not on twitter. I don’t know why it has taken me so long to get onto twitter. I am so addicted I have to log out when am working. Or reward myself with twitter time once I finish important, urgent, pending work. It’s my biggest source of news, entertainment, laughter, rage… everything. The best part is am not famous there. So, nobody trolls me. And when men flirt I just block them out. It’s the perfect world.

Anyway, since so many of you are not on twitter and missing out on the fun I have decided to post stuff I really, really like on the blog. It will mainly be funny stuff… so… enjoy.

डी.के. @itsdhruvism

*kejriwal meets kajol*

Kejriwal:namaste

Kajol:namaste

*suddenly looks at her eyebrows*

Kejriwal:oh to yaha bhi sab mile hue hai ji

Love all the Kejriwal jokes on twitter. Election season is a lot of fun

 

Cersei Lannister @Queen_Cersei

Some days I’m an evil genius, and some days I’m just a bigger bitch than usual.

 Cersei is my alter ego except for the incest part, of course

 

Sahil Shah @SahilBulla ·

Knock Knock.

Who is there?

THIS IS AGAINST INDIAN CULTURE! HOW DARE YOU KNOCK? I WILL PROTEST OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE.

 Wouldn’t be surprised if people start getting offended by knock knock jokes next

 

Cersei Lannister @Queen_Cersei ·

Can’t sleep. I think I forgot to kill someone.

What I think every night before going to bed

 

Shirish Kunder @ShirishKunder

I’m sure Delhi will make the right choice between ‘Stable Corrupt’ and ‘Unstable Honest’.

It’s a tough choice, Delhi. I was supporting Bedi initially but then realized it’s the party that matters ultimately. AAP will mess up but atleast their intentions are honest.

Btw, Shirish Kunder is hilarious on twitter. My opinion of him has taken a U turn. He seems like a nice guy despite the crap movies he makes

 

Gareeb Aadmi @GareebGuy

Online movie book karte time1 rupay mat Dena. Mujhe kuch nahi milta.

The Gareeb Guy makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time. And his display pic is that of Nawazuddin

 

The शुभेंदू झा ! @BadkaBhaiya

Work hard, stay positive, and bad things will still happen.

True. So just fuck it and do what you really want to

 

Karunesh Talwar @karuneshtalwar

Nahi samajh mein aata hai toh mat dekho na. Taarak Mehta dekh ke hilaao chutiyon #AIBRoast

Loved this guy’s stand up. He is one of the few stand up comedians who is not afraid to crack jokes on the right wing party. He does this song which is on Gujarat riots and it is so hard hitting it will leave you speechless.

And yes, prudes who found the roast offensive should just stick to Taarak Mehta

 

Overrated Outcast @over_rated ·

A Hindu, a Muslim and a Christian enter a bar. Unfortunately we can’t tell you the rest of the joke because it’s against Indian Culture.

If we don’t speak up now, this will be the future

 

Shirish Kunder @ShirishKunder

A lot of people have been telling me that I’m ahead of my time. I’ll come back in an hour.

 

Karunesh Talwar @karuneshtalwar

YouTube isn’t for filthy, anti-culture things such as the #AIBRoast. It’s where nice, family friendly things like ISIS beheadings are found

People don’t get offended by the rape or beheading or wardrobe malfunction videos on youtube but have enough time to air opinions on a roast

 

Karunesh Talwar @karuneshtalwar

We deserve Comedy Nights with Kapil. For the next 100 years, we will marvel at how hilarious an obese man dressed as a woman is. #AIBRoast

Level of intellect in our country

 

Akshar @AksharPathak

“I’ll have a roast chi…*pauses for a minute*….I’ll take an Italian BMT.” – Arjun Kapoor at Subway.

 

Keh Ke Peheno @coolfunnytshirt

Couples to be forcefully married on Valentines Day? Real torture would be if they are not allowed to post their honeymoon pics on FB

 

Shirish Kunder @ShirishKunder

Scared to speak your mind anymore? Remember, you voted for this.

Mere muh ki baat cheen li

 

The शुभेंदू झा ! @BadkaBhaiya ·

The fact that Burger King can sell you 12 chicken nuggets for Rs. 129 should concern you more than it should entice you.

The cheaper the fast food, the more concerned you should be of eating it

 

UberFacts @UberFacts

Kissing is good for teeth. The anticipation of a kiss increases the flow of saliva to the mouth, giving the teeth a plaque-dispersing bath.

A kiss a day keeps the dentist away

 

Cersei Lannister @Queen_Cersei

*SPOILER ALERT* I hate you all.

Told ya, alter ego

 


Leave a Reply