I was having a discussion on how to bring in diversity into my team with someone. Let’s call him Mr X.
Disclaimer: Before the women who’ve never called out a man for his misogyny, get offended by this post, I must mention a few things.
There are 3 kinds of men on this planet – those who are misogynistic and don’t give a shit, those who are misogynistic but have been evolving over the years and those who are misogynistic and pretend to be feminists. Basically, all men are misogynists and it will be decades before even one man can considered a feminist.
I can monitor and control a man’s behavior around me but what he does with other women is beyond my scope of influence. My husband is the only man am accountable and responsible for. His behavior with other women and evolution from a misogynist to a feminist is what I have been sent to this planet for.
This discussion is with someone who has evolved over the years and is open to being challenged for his views. The fact that we have a great personal and professional relationship despite being on opposite sides of every issue is proof of that. He is also one of the men I don’t have to hold back with. I can bring all my passion and aggression to the table without scaring him off. Hell, it makes him respect and like me more.
Moving on… this is not the verbatim discussion, I have added 2-3 hours of internal debate to this. If you planned to argue with me over this topic, am well prepared.
Me : I would like to bring diversity into the team
X : Gender shouldn’t be the first priority, competency should. There should be no bias.
Me : The objective of reservations for oppressed and backward groups of people in India is to bring people to the same level and make up for the lack of opportunities that the privileged class enjoys. Is that bias? Similarly, as women we have and continue to face oppression and discrimination in all spheres of our lives. Till we are not guaranteed the same freedom as the men, we need to be given priority to bring us at the same level.
Example, the organization decides to hire people with special needs. Would they focus on competency and hope one of them is also disabled or would they shortlist candidates with special needs who also meet the competency? It is the same for women.
Men get hired for jobs because
- of merit (rarely)
they know the hiring manager (very common)
they know someone who knows the hiring manager (very, very common)
Men rarely get recruited or promoted because of competency. Mostly, it has to do with everything else but that. But as soon as you want to give gender a preference, it is not kosher. The hackles go up because how DARE women get preference at the workplace. In these men’s homes, women shut up and fulfill the role of a mother, daughter in law, a wife and a whore in bed. They don’t ask for anything more. Why do men have to deal with this kind of crap at work? Why should men have to adjust, change, evolve and pretend to be decent human beings around these inferior beings?
1.5 years back I was in a room with 3 other men. 1 was my manager, 1 was a peer and 1 was a grade below. They were all nodding along and appreciating the handful of women (1 per person) they know in sales. These mediocre men with below average intellect had the balls to judge another woman who am sure is far, far better than them. Every female I have worked with in sales (atleast 5, if not more) is excellent at her job. Basis my experience, I should hire only women in sales. Right?