Death

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Hiya… I have taken 3 days off since leaves are pending- Saturday to Tuesday. On Saturday, I woke up at 11 am… after a really long time. It is difficult to sleep when the doorbell rings constantly. I already have a list of things to do in my head- go to the gym, get refill of gas cylinder, buy groceries, wash clothes, give clothes for ironing, maybe watch a movie. Last weekend, we returned from Mumbai at midnight. Sure, it was a day off but we did not get a chance to relax and I was looking forward to that. One phone call changed that… KC’s dad had passed away. He had a severe heart attack… the 2nd one in a week. We rushed to Mumbai asap. Of course, the flight got delayed and we reached at 8 pm. I was shocked… the last funeral I attended was when I was in school. My parents have never really taken us for the recent funerals- my maternal granny, paternal grandparents, dad’s brother etc.

When I met KC’s dad in the ICU last weekend, it brought back memories of seeing my grandfather like that. He had a liver problem due to excessive drinking. I was in 1st or 2nd standard when he was admitted in a Mumbai hospital. I did not meet him but remember the hospital… all the people just waiting there. We had gone to my masi’s home and the phone rang as we entered the house… Grandad had passed away. He used to pamper me silly and I miss him. I remember him always laughing and being jolly.
Recently, my granny passed away. I had not spoken to her in the last 2.5 years despite my mom urging me to call her. She was not keeping well. Before my marriage to KC, I was a frequent visitor to her house since I was based in Rajkot and she stayed in Veraval (5 hours away). I was pissed with her ‘coz she didn’t call me after my wedding (just a brief- I married KC without my parents approval and have been cut off by the family). I just thought that if she wanted to speak to me, she should call… anyway, I did speak to her a month before her death. I did not attend the funeral and when Mom asked me to go to her house after her death, I refused. I don’t think I will ever go to that house again… it will only bring back memories. Thankfully, rest of my family will move out of there and the doors to that life will be closed.
There are regrets when someone passes away… I know I will have many… but is there any point? No matter how perfect a relationship, it will not seem perfect after death. I’d rather hold on to the good memories than indulge in regret and guilt. Some things are destined and others chosen by us. I read in a Richard Bach book that we choose our paths. For example, instead of path A if we choose path B our life will have a different destiny. I do not believe in the notion that whats supposed to happen will happen. For example, if I had not chosen to do MBA and join a particular organization I would never have met KC. Ditto for him. We would never have met if I would have pursued medicine (tried really hard for it) or he would have gone abroad for masters. We would have ended up with different people.
And thats life…


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