Best friends

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What is a best friend?

How does a friend move into the best friend category?

Are there special requirements that a friend needs to fulfill before he/she can be considered a best friend?

Are there any boxes that need to be ticked?

Are there any agni parikshas that one needs to undergo?

Sure, the comfort level is the highest with best friends. Why is it so? Is it about time? Then, why aren’t any of my school friends my best friends?

Here is what I think (sorry for the listicle, I know it is too buzzfeed-like but that’s just me):

  • Best friends are those who can complete my sentences and thoughts. They can cut through all my bullshit and get to the gist of me
  • The comfort level is the highest, not because I have spent more time with them or connected from the first moment. Instead, it is because we have had conflicts and know how far I can push him/her. Both of us have gone through ups and downs and still managed to hold on.
  • I can rely on them. No matter what. They aren’t people I call everytime am down but I think of them when am drowning. They may not answer my phone when they are busy but will definitely call back as soon as they can spare a minute.
  • I can spend 12 hours with them without getting bored or feeling uncomfortable with the silence. Conversation flows easily and we don’t need to make plans to kill time
  • They are not judgmental, no matter what I do. But when a line is being crossed, they will be the first ones to point it out.
  • I can pinpoint crucial moments of my life when these friends have stood by me. Those moments took them one step ahead of all my other friends. They were there when nobody else was.

I don’t go around telling people I care about them or saying ‘I love you’. Fawning over someone (social media does not count) does not come easily to me. Because when I do say it, it is a point of no return. I am giving someone the power to destroy me and hoping they don’t use it. When best friends walk out or betray or hurt me, it takes years to come to terms with it and forgiving is out of the question. When, if, it ends, there is no question of trying to retrieve what’s lost.

Above all, my best friends are consistent and reliable. I can jump over a cliff blindfolded and know they won’t let me fall. It’s a steep expectation but there are people who meet it. Blame them for the high standards, not me.

 


Friendships

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I wish I could tell you that friendships last forever. That the memories you created in school or college are enough to create a bond strong enough to last a lifetime. I wish I could tell you that you can pick up where you left off years later without any effort.

But then, I’d be lying.

My best friends are people I can call when I am completely down and out. They are ones who will make themselves available at the earliest when I need them. People being there when you need them is a big deal for me. You are either there or you are not. There is no in between.

Since moving to Mumbai, I have realized that I need new friends. I need to meet new people and reconnect with people in the city. This may sound very superficial. What happens to these friends once I move back to Gurgaon? I will go back to contacting them once in while? Maybe. But sustaining the same kind of friendship long distance is very, very difficult…. no, make that impossible. You can sustain a long distance love relationship but friendships need more than that. You need to have the time to hang out with friends and that can’t happen long distance. I am now strategically upgrading some friendships, downgrading others and completely ending a few. It is the circle of life. You have to make space for new people by eliminating ones you have been holding onto for the sake of old times.

In today’s times, we don’t just meet people like we used to. There is only so much scope for friendships at the workplace. You have to make the effort and meet new people. You have to make the time to reconnect with people you used to know. Friendships don’t just happen anymore, you have to make them happen. It is like planting a seed, you have to give it the right environment, care for it and then watch it grow. Of course, if it isn’t your kind of plant, nip it in the bud and start with the next one.

Adios. I have had a very long and tiring day. On the turbulent flight, I didn’t care if we crash landed. I am that exhausted.


Back with a bang

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Hiya… I had gone for a sales conference to Pune. I dislike conferences, corporate parties etc etc… I used to hate them. The hatred has lessened. I do not understand the fun and joy in drinking, dancing and interacting for 4 hours and more. 1 hour is my limit… after that I am ready to shoot myself. Anyway, 3 days were spent in Pune attending presentations at the end of which I won an award for best sales performance in my channel. It felt good.

On Sunday I met my brother and Mom. I treated them to lunch at ‘Out of the Blue’, an amazing restaurant in Bandra. The first time I went there was with an acquaintance from B-School. We ate 3 courses… pasta, pizza and fondue. KC and I have been there many, many times. Do visit it if you are on Carter road.
I also met another acquaintance from B-School in Pune- H. We used to be good friends but it didn’t last. I don’t remember our last conversation in college. But, thats the thing about friendship… you can pick it up any time anywhere. 2.5 hours passed away in a jiffy.
And now it is back to the cold…. mornings are foggy, I can barely spot the next building. We come up and tuck ourselves in the blanket with soup… KC likes to sleep by 10.30 pm which is a shocker since his normal sleeping hour was 1 am.
More … later… adios…


Its been a good day… good, good day

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It has been a good Sunday. The morning was a rush. I could not wake up early enough to go to the gym. The plan was to finish all chores in the morning and meet some friends for lunch at Khan Market. We rushed to Galleria to buy groceries, veggies/fruits and a b’days gift for the friend. We had to meet A and D. It was D’s b’day yesterday and I wanted to get him a gift even thought A asked me not to. It is so difficult to buy something for someone who can afford everything… what can you gift a guy? With KC, its different… I spend enough time to notice what he is drooling after and what he needs… but for friends, it becomes difficult… specially guys. I got a cologne from Body Shop. We rushed home… I got dressed while KC napped. After a very long time, I wore my heels. I am not comfy in heels and do not like it when my legs ache. Also, work involves travelling, walking and standing around… so I avoid heels. Today was the perfect day for it… since the only walking would be from my car to the restaurant.
Lunch was at Big Chill where we had to wait for 45 mins even though a table had been booked in advance. When I gave D the gift, he looked quite embarrassed and told me it was unnecessary since now he will have to remember my b’day and then buy a gift and finding a gift for females can be a drag. Wow!!! I never thought of it that way… I mean, I had to meet up with girlfriends a day before or after my b’day… a gift would be given to the b’day girl. No questions about it… its taken for granted. I guess, men are different… very different.
A complained that I not gifted him anything for his b’day. Well, when I called to wish him… he
had denied that it was his b’day and that facebook was lying. No kidding.
After the crazy lunch, we dropped in at L’Opera… A and D wanted to see what the big deal about the macaroons is… what is it that costs 130 bucks. They were unimpressed.
We headed home soon after. Rest of the day was spent lazing around.
Some pics of my fav heels… I don’t remember when I bought them…. its been more than 2 years.


Time for Update…

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What have I been doing??? Loads…

  • I didn’t feel like going to my dance class today. It was actually an extra class and since I missed class on Thursday it was sort of compulsory for me to attend. One part wanted me to just stay at home and laze around… the other part knew I would regret it and the guilt would eat me if I did not go. So, I went… I really needed the break. 1.5 hours of hectic moving has made me cheerful again
  • I spilled milk on my blackberry phone. It started acting weird… switching off and on at will. The people at the service centre told me to give it for 6-7 days; after which it may or may not get repaired. I was horrified. Thank god, I had not spent my money on it. It was a gift from the company last year. I decided to buy a new one…my only priority was that it should be sturdy enough to withstand further spills. Its back to Nokia. This time with E6. The internet is not as convenient as a bb since it depends on gprs network but thats ok. I do not want to spend 10k for another phone every year.
  • My brother (who is in grad college) recently changed his relationship status to “committed”. I was curious… on checking the gf’s profile on fb I could not find a link between her and my bro. They are definitely not from the same college and have different set of friends. I questioned my bro after one week of digging. He said they met 2 weeks back and “hit it off”. I wasn’t convinced. KC cheekily reminded of my age when I had my first relationship… I was not even 18… atleast he is 21. Old enough to make these decisions. Aah… first love… when we are stupid enough to believe 2 weeks is enough to dive into the relationship pool.
  • I met my best friend this week… she came down for a day. I picked her from the airport and planned to drop her at the hotel in New Friends Colony after work. Big mistake. I was not carrying my GPS. The phone’s GPS was hard to read… and we kept going round and round in circles. We reached after 2 hours… But it was so nice to meet her and talk. I didn’t have to explain “how I feel”… she just knew. I miss that. Also, silences with friends are so comfy… they do not need to be filled with words…
  • We finally, finally went to Big Chill which is a famous restaurant in Delhi. We reached at 3 pm for lunch on Sunday and it was packed. We had to wait for an hour to get a table by when we were not too hungry. We just ordered a pasta (cannelloni) with a red pesto sauce. It was delicious. Definitely worth another visit. Next I want to visit Kareem’s.


Friendship

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I look at the friends closest to me and realize that most of them are from recent past. I wonder why.

Is it ‘coz I have more in common with them now???
Is it ‘coz of the circumstances? After all, distance does make it difficult to keep in touch.
Is it ‘coz of the inclination and effort put into keeping in touch?
There are some things that are important… regular phone calls, sharing, caring, remembering important days like birthdays etc.
Earlier I was a 2 am friend…. friends could call me anytime (unless I was in class) and I would be available. That has become next to impossible now… I cannot give time to personal calls during work hours, nights are for sleep… that leaves a window in evening after work and before bed.
Facebook, blogs, mails, chat are great for catching up… but they cannot replace the personal touch.
I tried chatting with an old friend today… there was a time when we were close and now I could not find any topic to chat on. It was so weird I felt sad.
And then there are some people I can strike up friendship with anytime… last month I met a friend I lost in touch with 4 yrs back. We clicked immediately.
There are other friends who only call when they need something and it pisses me off.
There are friends who I am not in touch with (except through fb) and yet they are in my thoughts and memories.
Friendships can be more complex than a relationship especially ‘coz they come in so many forms.
I was watching Sex and the city Season 4. I love and hate this season the most… love it ‘coz Carrie gets back with Aiden… hate it ‘coz they break up. There are some similarities in Carrie’s and my life. But then there must be many women thinking the same. So I guess my life is no different from many others… which is comforting.
I am watching ‘A Christmas Carol’. Thankfully, it has been adapted well without many deviations. I do not like classics being tampered with. I love reading books like Little Women, A Christmas Carol, David Copperfield etc. And I absolutely love Shakespeare. I was fortunate to read atleast one original play- Merchant of Venice. It broke my heart when I watched ‘Romeo and Juliet’ starring Leonardo. Instead of the balcony scene between R and J they were smooching in the swimming pool. Romance was replaced by lust. Lust is not bad but we see enough of it… it is romance that is rare… in movies and in real life.
Adieu with that thought.


TGIF

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I have been waiting for Sat… don’t ask ‘Why’.. (It is not our job to ask ‘Why’, it is our job to do and die). Yoohoo!!! I like Sat and Sunday. I hate Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.

A lot of people have commented that they prefer my earlier blog. This one is “different”. I agree with them… I prefer the earlier one too. But it is not about the blog… it is about me. I have changed.. for better or for worse. The change is obvious even on chat. Don’t ask me to pin point it… I am still wild, impulsive, restless, bad tempered… and yet something has changed. Maybe I think lesser… maybe I have sobered up… maybe I am not insecure anymore. I don’t know.

What makes memories? Is it the past or is it the people in the past? I was thinking about friends I have… those on my speed dial… those I turn to for fun, comfort, help. Some are my best friends… some I speak to almost daily… some I speak to regularly… some I keep in touch with… some I contact only for help… I don’t know why they mean what they mean to me. For some reason all my friends are from school or B-school or colleagues and none from engg college. Its like 4 yrs of my life have been wiped out. Many times people exclaim; “It is difficult to find friends now… it is never like in school or college”. I disagree… I have made friends in my B-school, in my organization, outside the organization. I make new friends every year, get closer to old friends and sometimes lose the oldest friends. I agree with one thing though… it is more difficult to meet new people.

Anyways… tired now… good night.


Strange friendships

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Friendship is strange. As a kid and then a teenager my friends were my world… more so ‘coz I grew up in a boarding school. But over the years the dependence on these friends has decreased… maybe ‘coz everyone has become busy with their life… husbands, kids, family, jobs etc. The rules have changed. Maybe the entry of a guy (hubby or bf) has replaced the need for friends.

Either way, it is not the same… and the challenge is in accepting this but not resenting the situation. Maybe I am also the culprit… I don’t know… none of my friends have complained of being side tracked.

The reason for this post today is my best friend… I have been pissed with her for 28 days (Yes… I am counting… I am such a kid) but she doesn’t know… (I have a difficulty in expressing hurt)…
There have been times when we have been on the verge of letting go… but I always gave in. I guess this time I have decided not to… I am ready to let go… to stop being hurt and side tracked.