The other day when I was at Manhattan (a pub in Gurgaon) I told my female colleague “I have come here alone as well when I didn’t have company”. She called me “weird”. I let it pass because it is not important what she thinks.
I realized am “weird” when I was in college. Unlike the other women, I didn’t seek out company when I wanted to visit the loo or was hungry for food. I am not sure how company helps me pee better and I don’t really need help with the process of eating. My sales job gave me the opportunity to watch movies alone, visit restaurants alone, shop alone and live alone. What I have realized over the years is that it is not about needing someone for these things. Most people are insecure and uncomfortable in their skin. They need constant validation. Their fear isn’t “how do I be alone?”, it is “what will other people think about me?”. There is a big difference between the two- former is a fear of your ownself which is understandable while the latter is a constant worry about other people.
We don’t really need other people to pee or eat or watch a movie or drink. These are things we can do by ourselves. I find it ingratiating when am expected to socialize, talk and mingle. Most people are boring, including me. I rarely have anything interesting to talk and neither does anyone else. Meeting someone just so I have company is not my thing. If I like someone, I will never ditch them. There are people in my life I have never and will never ditch. But for the rest, it takes a lot on my part to get out of the house and make the effort to meet up.
As I grow older, am becoming more and more comfortable in my skin. Having a supportive partner helps. It is like having a safety net on the ground. It makes me soar higher because I know the net will catch me if I fall. And despite having 32 years of experience on this planet, I still get caught un-awares by the callousness and selfishness of people. I am callous and selfish too but never with a hidden motive. If I contact someone because I need something, my motives will be clear. Whatever confusion or callousness there is in my behaviour, is because of my impulsive nature.
And that is the end of the sermon. It is important to know and like yourself. Give it a try. Try being with yourself this weekend- not at home but in public. I plan to.