Apna Khoon

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I have been in a dilemma due to a conversation I had the other day.

I had been preparing for the market visit of a senior manager in the organization… that explains the previous posts.
Anyway, on the day of the visit, we stopped for lunch. The manager is a new joinee and was asking details about me.
Him: So, who is in your family?
Me: Mom, dad, younger bro and elder sis
Him: Silence
Him: Umm… so, your parents are in NCR?
Me: No… my husband is here
Him: Oh, you didn’t mention him when I asked about family. I wanted to know if you are married
I was zapped for a moment? Is my husband part of my family? I mean… sure, by Indian traditions he is. But isn’t family about “apna khoon”? As in, people of the same blood?
Don’t be scandalized. I love my husband… he is my best friend… we are great together… no matter how many disagreements. We fit together… like we have never fit with anyone else.
But, is he family? Just ‘coz he has been with me for 4 years now… can he supersede my parents?
Ok… he did… when I married him against my parents wishes. But still, family is mom, dad, bro and sis… thats how it has been always.
Like, my jeeju is extended family. He does not immediately come to mind when I talk about family.
And KC is different… he is my best friend. Family is those people from who you keep secrets and friends are those with who you share those secrets.
When I mentioned this to KC, he said; “Whenever I am asked about family, I do mention you. But knowing you, I know you have different view point on that. Thats just you”
Sigh!!! Does anyone else understand this? Or as Indian women (even men), are we brought to consider husbands automatically part of family.


10 thoughts on “Apna Khoon

  1. so interesting. My family is my hubby and my daughter and before my daughter, it was hubby. When probed further I would mention dad, mum, brother.

    I remember an instance during campus placement where a batchmate of mine wasn’t given the offer because she forgot to mention her hubby when asked about family. In the interview, she went on to explain about what her parents do, sisters, etc. But completely forgot to mention the hubby ( yes she was one of the few who was already married when she was doing her MBA). When the interviewer looked at her form, they saw she had ticked Married as yes and asked about the same. Thats when she spoke about her hubby. She was one of the strongest candidates for the job but didn’t make the cut. The placement co-ordinator and the dean later told her why she didn’t make it.

  2. I would certainly think that your husband is your closest family. It is whom you share your life with every single day.

    And I completely disagree with “family is whom you keep secrets from”. It may be the way it is, but it shouldn’t be that way.

  3. Why the F does a manager need to ask questions about your personal life? Is that not off bounds?

    As for the placement situation, not being hired just because she didn’t mention her husband is so messed up. A person may be divorced, married, gay, asexual, or anything. But to have those issues play a part in hiring them is just so messed up.

  4. I think spouse also becomes a part of your family. so now the family includes mom,dad,sis,bro and hubby ..simple 🙂
    I have actually attended an interview where the interviewer asked me about the total family background including who is doing what! creepy i would say and against norms yes!

  5. It is something to do with girls 🙂

    I consider my wife as part of my family. But when she was expecting, she used to say “my child” instead of “our child”! duh!!

  6. @ Ginger: Thank You… I don’t feel embarrassed now… 🙂

    @ Anita: You know, that female could have sued the company. Legally, nobody cannot reject you for a job coz of your family details. I attended a workshop on skills for interviewing people. The instructor told us very clearly that we were not to ask personal questions… family, marriage, kids… our decision on hiring a candidate cannot be based on that.
    The irony is in every interview I have been asked about my family and hubby. Few years back, I had almost cleared the interview… I was in negotiation stage with the HR. The person wanted to know about my marriage plans. I made the mistake of telling him that I would get married in a few months time. He wanted to know how many days leave I would need. I said, around 15 days. He never called back.

    @ Anonymous: Everyone has a different relationship with their family… and I keep secrets from mine… thats the way it is and will be. As for who is closer, I share a different relationship with my hubby and my family. My hubby is more of a friend.. and family is… family…

    @ Anonymous: It is out of bounds… but everyone asks that question… EVERYONE.

  7. oye i thought i did leave a comment.. u did not approve it or it dint go thru?
    All i wanted to say was spouse also becomes family once u get married… simple 🙂

  8. @ RT: Yeah… but its not so simple. Its like clubbing the hubby and parents together. A little difficult for me, given the circumstances.

    @ Anonymous: Maybe… we are more complicated beings… 🙂

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