And stuff I said on twitter

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Are you bored, already? Please tell me if you are. I will post in a day or two… as soon as I get a chance to attend a super boring meeting in office.

This is not EVERYTHING I said. For that, you need to follow me on twitter.

It’s kind of scary when the company housekeeping staff is saving money on garbage bags during increment time.

Should I be worried?

 

Hubby is a staunch cricket fan who always supports the Indian team no matter how badly they play. It’s nice to be married to someone so loyal

 

Star Sports will be shot down if Pakistan wins against India. That ad is in really bad taste

I thought the ad is in poor taste. How can you make fun of someone for losing everytime? Making fun of Congress in Delhi is different. Ok?

 

Celebrities complaining on twitter that they get death stares from ‘regular’ people while jumping queues. Sigh!!! Then don’t jump the queue

Heights!!! Kalki and Masaba cribbing about the ‘stares’ people give when they get to jump queues. Don’t jump queues. Simple. I have seen Nasseruddin Shah and Ratna Pathak following queues at the airport and they are more talented and have more equation in Bollywood than you. Humility, please!!!

 

In the last few years I have realized I hate people who have gifted me perfumes. Now I have to smell bad everyday!!!

I like a very specific kind of perfume- those which have a fruity smell. I cannot stand floral or musk or anything strong. Slowly and steadily am trying to finish the ones gifted to me.

 

Hubby sitting next to Suniel Shetty on flight. Hope he does not start reciting Border dialogues else this flight could be torture for Suniel

I am married to someone who can recite dialogues from Tirangaa, Border, Dil Chahta Hai etc etc. It’s torture, it is. I need ‘Best Wife of the Decade’ award pronto.

 

Don’t you want to kill someone who cribs that he has to carry the laptop to Goa while you only get to carry it to office?

When people have a perfect life they find new things to crib about.

 

This is the last time I help with directions in NCR. I either get hit on or have to hear weird mumbo jumbo

NCR is horrible with directions and I rarely approach people to ask for directions. But I try to be helpful when someone asks me and this is what happens:

– Get hit on. Random guy in car asks me if am going that way and he can drop me

– Some guy in mall tells me am very lucky because of something on my forehead. I, literally, ran from there

 

That moment at the lunch table where colleague offers you sabji you’d rather die than eat.

The rule is this- if it tastes bad or is stale, feed it to colleagues. That’s why I don’t share my food. It always tastes good.

 

What are the rules for plagiarism on twitter?

How is that 2 mins after I make a joke, someone else posts a similar one on twitter? And it’s not just random people but even stand up comedians. I am going to sue someone for plagiarism soon.

 

I think it’s time for all stand up comedians to move to Delhi. What say?

Because everything in Delhi is soon going to be free as promised by Kejriwal

 

I think it was the monogrammed suit. Delhi has better fashion sense.

Voting for people with bad fashion sense is more Mumbai’s style.

 

Shit. I am Subodh. I do yoga over the weekend. Sleep early. And wake up early. Argh!!!

While watching Dil Chahta Hai on cable the other night

 

Somebody in the lift said ‘Bombay’. Should I call the cops?

 

Shit. If I don’t leave now, am going to start grooving to Backstreet Boys

Supermarket is playing ‘As long as you love me’ and it takes all my willpower to not start grooving to it

 

#AIBRoast First, the show. Then video. Then people get offended. Then FIR. Now apology. Closure kab hoga? Can we just chill?

Thanks to Delhi elections for taking attention away from this

 

Eating dinner leftovers for lunch today. No wonder the cook likes me and hates hubby

ACP Pradhyuman – Daya, good job. Tumne case solve kar diya

 

I guess twitter is where I bitch about fb people. Where do I go to bitch about twitter people?

Suggestions, please.

 

What’s wrong Gurgaon? Why are the traffic policemen actually doing their job today? Who died?

Gurgaon felt the effect of the Delhi election results. Hope to see streetlights which finally work outside my house

 

Serious discussion with hubby on whether Deepika Padukone eats cookies or not.

No, we did not reach any conclusion. There is no way someone with that figure is within 10 feet of cookies.

Reference to Deepika in Britannia cookies ad

 

This is discrimination. If Hrithik can get nominated for Best Actor for Bang Bang, why not Katrina for Best Actress at Filmfare?

I think Katrina was as good as Hrithik in Bang Bang

 

Shit. Hubby just followed me. Damn. No more hubby and MIL jokes

The plan is to delete the app from Ipad and his phone. He will never recall the username/password

 


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