Advocator of Lizard rights

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I never understand why people get creeped out by lizards. They are most harmless reptiles on this planet. I haven’t researched this fact so please don’t quote me.

I like lizards. This is how they make my life awesome.

Female is claustrophobic.

Female loves open doors and windows. Female is obsessed with keeping the balcony door open for ventilation.

Female has to deal with insects and bugs because the balcony door is open.

Lizard eats up the insects and bugs hence, female can enjoy her balcony breeze.

Sounds perfect.

But there is a always a villain. Someone who has an irrational hatred of lizards.

Villain doesn’t care about ventilation or balconies.

Villain only cares about hibernating in front of the TV and under the AC.

Villain is irrationally annoyed by insects and bugs.

Villain wants the balcony door closed.

Villain has no use for lizards in his house.

Villain fights with (awesome) female every night over the lizards and threatens to kill them.

Female stands up for the lizards. In his absence, she makes friends with the lizards and takes the joke a wee (tiny bit) too far. She names the lizards.

Ruby – loiters around the house. The TV and the couch are her comfort spots. She loves perching near female’s shoulder to catch great shows on Netflix. She is ambitious and always goes after the biggest bugs. She is currently hooked to Korean shows and is tempted to move to North Korea.

Paul – Protector of the balcony. He is an outdoors man. Between the bedroom window and balcony, he has it all covered. The female encouraged him to sneak into the neighbour’s house but he loves the new lights in the balcony and refuses to abandon the space.

Rudy – The baby of the family. His favourite haunt is the dining table. He has been waiting for scraps of food but the villain and female are always perched on the couch and hardly move their butt once they are home. Ruby helps him out with his kills. After all, he is just a baby yet.

If you decide never to visit my home, I will understand. Also, mission accomplished.

But my favourite lizards related incident happened when I was in college. I was in the government girls hostel in Ahmedabad. 3 other females who were in boarding school with me were my roommates. We were staying in an old building and it was a little dilapidated (to put it mildly). 3 lizards inhabited this room and it drove my flatmates crazy. They tried everything to drive them away – garlic, peacock feathers etc etc. If there was a nuskha out there, they had tried it. One night the frustration levels went through the roof and they started hitting them with paper balls to drive them away. It didn’t work, of course and they burst into tears. 3 females cried because of lizards and I tried hard not to laugh out loud. Thinking about the incident always makes me crack up.


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