A tale from down under

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Sometimes the maid or the cook manage to spot me wrapped in a towel after my bath. KC then laughs and jokes about how the women saw me naked. I find it hard to explain to him that dropping clothes in front of other women is not that big a deal. I have spent my whole life in hostels with different roommates, I get a massage by a lady and I visit a salon. There are so many women who have seen me naked already that a few more don’t really matter.

I have waxed my bikini line 3 times in my life till now because:

– Unlike other areas I believe this is an area which really needs the hair. The hair is there for a reason

– Maybe Vagina Monologues has influenced me. What, you haven’t seen the Vagina Monologues? Why? Please catch it next time it is playing in a theatre near you (it is a play not a movie)

– It hurts like hell

– Repeat above reason over and over and over and over again

Everything in a salon hurts…. waxing… threading… removing blackheads… sometimes even the massage. But the pain of bikini waxing rivals all of this put together. I don’t know how well it competes with labour pain though since I don’t have experience.

So, why did I get a bikini wax? Because I always want to shave off all the hair on my body when it is summer and since I have decided to grow the mane on my head… well, it is the mane “down under” that has to go.

I don’t remember the first time I got a bikini wax but yesterday’s experience I will never forget.

I went to my usual haunt- VLCC, DLF Phase 1 and had an appointment with Simran. I have known this lady since 2007 and she knows more about the pores on my face than even me. Now she knows more about my private parts than any man. It is a special relationship. I went to the room, pulled my pants down, wrapped a towel and lay in wait. She convinced me to go for Rica (or is it Rico) wax which will cost more but hurt lesser. As soon as she saw my mane (ahem ahem) she burst out laughing.

This was more humiliating than a woman laughing at a guy while he is trying to lose his virginity because he is not able to “do it right”. Simran decided to get help because I was going to be in hell lot of pain and will not be of any help. Great!!! Now I had 2 ladies examining my wares. I closed my eyes and maned/womaned up. It’s not like I had any dignity left at that stage. I also wondered who it sucked more for…. her, since she had a whole bush to pull out… not an envious job or me. I decided her Saturday was definitely turning out worse than mine. The next 15-30 mins (I lost all track of time) were the most painful ones of my life. I breathed in deeply with my nose and breathed out deeply with my mouth- a tactic the massage wali has taught me to deal with pain. It reduced the pain quotient by 10%. While Simran went… slap slap with the wax… wrap wrap with the strips… and pull pull with the strip. After 15 mins I begged her “It is ok if you are not thorough. It isn’t like I have to wear a bikini” but she had decided to do a “clean job” of it and some tears or begging weren’t going to make her incompetent. So, there I was… as clean as a baby’s bottom. I picked up my clothes and leftover dignity and vowed to do this more often to avoid the humiliation of waxing a “full bush”.

Amen to that.

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