Remember my post on how I was tired of women crying all the time? Well, here is a counter post to that. Being a Gemini, I can do that. I can convince myself of the counter view and even argue against myself brilliantly (even if I say so myself). But nobody else can convince me of their point of view because I have a Taurus ascendant. Now you know who to blame. The fault in my stars.
Here are all the ways being a woman sucks:
- People are surprised when I can drive well. I am pretty sure every woman has been abused for being a woman driver by some random guy. It happened to me in Mumbai. A random auto guy said “Auraton ko drive nahi karna chahiye”. And I know educated people who think women make terrible drivers. The other day an acquaintance and a senior from engg college complained on fb about how women drivers were being rash. When I asked him how many male drivers were doing that, he admitted that he didn’t notice.
- At every interview am asked about my baby plans. I cannot even imagine switching my job while pregnant. Nobody will hire a pregnant lady. None of the men I know have ever been asked about their baby plans. Because men’s lives continue like before even after they have kids. It is only women who have to bring up kids and not the men. And if you think mothers/to be mothers/want to be mothers do not get discriminated against in the corporate world- the woman who told you this is probably not ambitious enough. I am only talking about women who care about their careers and do not like to choose between a career and a kid. Not that being unambitious is wrong but it is not the same as expecting the same treatment even when you have kids.
- I am constantly on my guard. And I mean, CONSTANTLY. Every second of the day. I am aware about who is standing around me, how close, where am travelling, how, what time, is it safe or not, what am wearing, how short my clothes are, who is staring at me etc etc. I do not know what it is like to feel completely safe. Except at home. And there are so many women who don’t even have that luxury. Yes- feeling safe at home is a luxury in this country. I don’t take it for granted. One wrong choice, one decision where I didn’t stand up for myself and I could easily have been married to a rapist or a wife beater. If as a woman in India, you have not heard of such things around you- you are either lucky or stupid. Statistically, probably the latter.
- Every Tom, Dick, Harry, Seeta, Geeta thinks it is perfectly ok to ask me about kids. And they are surprised when I say that I abhor kids. I don’t want to ruin my life by having a kid who won’t leave my house for 25 years. People are shocked by this. After all, we live in a country where kids are NOT raped by their family members or killed in wombs or killed at birth or discarded at birth or sold off for money or married off to random people for money/honour. None of that exists in the country. And it isn’t like am going to give birth to an Einstein or Mother Teresa. My kid will eventually join the rat race of the corporate world. I am doing the world a favour by bringing one less corporate rat into this world. The problem isn’t that I don’t have a kid yet… the problem is too many kids coming into the world everyday.
- I have to work with and report to men who have never had to deal with women before. Only a woman knows what that experience is like. Men, either swing to one extreme- where they are uncomfortable and sweating while you are standing in their closed cabin or the other one- where they think it is ok to abuse and crack non veg jokes at work. Both ends suck.
- An acquaintance just blamed me of not filing FIR whenever I get sexually harassed and letting the criminals go scot free. That reminded me of the time I spoke up against a batch mate video shooting women at a party and zooming onto their boobs… and none of the guys supported me or gave a damn. So easy to just point fingers when you have never bothered to ever take a stand in your entire life. And – facebook isn’t “real life” so it doesn’t count. Women take a stand, men- not so much. They don’t need to. I don’t remember any man ever taking a stand for me publicly even when they know am right. But it is ok. I can fight and so can most women.
- My MIL asked KC the other day if I ever wear the mangalsutra she bought even though I specifically mentioned before the wedding that I would never wear it and she is just wasting money. Even now, people are surprised when I don’t fast on karvachauth, don’t wear sindoor/mangalsutra, refuse to wear sarees or Indian wear (they don’t suit and am not comfortable), haven’t changed my surname, have plans of giving my kid (yep- the to-be-corporate-rat) both my and KC’s surnames, can interact with people of the opposite sex freely etc etc. How many men are expected to do all of this? Zilch. Let us talk about gender equality the day none of the women on this planet have to deal with above expectations.
- With the number of divorces happening in the country, you would think people would be ok with it. Apparently, not. It is still a social taboo. I haven’t met one woman who wasn’t ashamed of it like it is some kind of a failure. And even when they want to treat it like a normal thing, their family won’t let them. Like a person’s marital status is anyone else’s business. Facebook is the only place where one has to mention their relationship status. How the hell is it relevant? Can’t we all interact as human beings rather than as “men/women”, “married/single/divorced/it’s complicated” statuses? My relationship is MY business only. I grew up with my mother constantly saying that I would get divorced because I cannot cook well/clean well/didn’t get good grades/was rude or some other shit.
That is it, then. Thank you for reading even though this is a woman’s blog who talks about sex. In the “real” world, I would get labelled a slut. Oh wait, that did happen. Ciao then.