Friendship with some people is simple. While with others, it is complicated. I have been thinking a lot about this. Why are some people my “friends” and others never make a switch into that “category”? One reason is that I obviously have a lot in common with them. And yet there are people I like and care about who are very different from me. And sometimes am friends with people who are on the opposite sides of the spectrum and hate each other. Then it hit me…
– I never judge people basis who they are. They could be the worst versions of people I hate and yet I would be friends with them. As long as they are honest with me and I know who they are. I don’t like masks and pretense. I cannot be bothered to waste my time over people who cannot be bothered to be themselves with me.
I don’t do the whole – let’s meet for fun and waste time together. I only like to meet people who will add some value to my life. I don’t go around making plans with hundreds of people to show am popular. I am not popular and I like it that way. I have been unpopular all my life and it is only in my 30s that I have embraced it.
– People whose worst I have seen. Everyone shows their good side but when I know how low someone can fall, that is when I can truly trust them. With the constraint that the low is acceptable to my super low standards. I feel a special affinity for people once I have seen their dark sides. It doesn’t scare me, it excites me.
Anyway… I met X and we had a looootttt of discussions… we could have even spent all day talking… but life beckoned
– He was telling me how some of his female friends feel guilty meeting him and bring up his wife in the conversation. I completely understand that. I have guy friends who told me “Ab tum shaadi shuda ho” and when I asked how that changes anything, they had no answer. I mean, do they think I would sleep with them if I was single? Really? I am only friends with guys I would never sleep with. Hahaahaha. Kidding. Not really.
And then there is another set of dudes who will become friends with your hubby and then expect you to befriend their wife so all 4 or 6 or 8 or 10 people can hang out. I mean… if am friend with Z…. I don’t want to be Z’s wife’s friend. I don’t want to be part of the whole wives club and stuff. And this is very, very common in Delhi. Now I have given up on such friends. It’s not like I asked or expected them to befriend hubby. They did it on their own. Once in a while is ok but every single time… it makes me blow my brains out.
– We were talking about a post on fb I put up. Basically, someone at work… someone who is not an employee but would like to be one… wore jeans to office on his 2nd day. There were a few people defending this and others who tried to explain why you should follow corporate rules if you work in a corporate.
X and I discussed this but I won’t put that here. It led to another discussion on how we would never do something we love for money. Like, write a book. How is writing fun when you do it for money? How is dancing fun if you are always trying to get to the top? How is fitness fun if you have to spend hours training people in the gym who couldn’t care less? And we agreed that we are better off as “corporate slaves” because we earn money to be able to do things we like to do. It’s not such a bad deal. It is so easy to be idealistic and defend the rights of downtrodden on facebook and twitter when your bills are paid. I can only respect people who would be ethical even when they have something to lose. Otherwise it is a sham. And I do not take such people seriously.
– Earlier I would feel bad and guilty that am not more friendly with KC’s friends. But now I have realized, I don’t need to be. We were not part of a group when we started dating. We didn’t have anyone in common. He has his friends and I have mine. There are few friends of his I get along with… and others I detest. Same for him. Do I need to introduce him to every single person in my life? No. Does he need to? No. I like to have a separate life which does not include him. I am a Gemini. I need to live 2-3 lives simultaneously else I will kill myself with the boredom. And if I have to make the effort to like someone, it should be his parents rather than friends. Since the former is not happening, why bother about the latter? Ditto for him. I don’t get it when couples become a package deal. Buy 1, get 1 free. Become friends with 1, another comes along for free. Sure, I like to spend my weekends with KC because between his cricket and my swim/run/gym there is limited time we spend together. But that does not mean, we cannot take out time for people we like… separately. He is free to hang out with whoever on whatever day as long as he tells me in advance so I can make alternate plans. Which are usually – dancing around the house and singing in my frog voice as loudly as possible or binge watching movies or watching crappy serials…. and once in a while, actually meeting people.