Forgiveness

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Who came up with the term “forgive and forget”? Forgiveness, I understand as a hypothetical concept. But how do you forget? That is how history repeats itself. Over and over again. But hey, someone warned against that as well. Maybe it was the same person. But if he did forget, how did he know history is repeating itself?

Ok. Ok. That isn’t what the post is about.

When someone hurts us deeply, the fantasy is that they will realize what assholes they have been and apologize. Though, I have never apologized to anyone. Made up with them years later and tried to be a better human being with them? Sure. Apologized? No. That happens only in movies, I assumed. Until someone whose apology I had fantasized about actually said “Sorry”. Not in the way men usually do. Most men know that “Sorry” works beautifully with women. Most married men have learned this secret and they say “Sorry” at the drop of a hat. Not that kind of fake and pretend “Sorry”. But a genuine one. Out of the blue. I didn’t ask for it. I wasn’t being mean and nasty about how things had ended. I was at a stage where I barely remembered and nothing in my life or personality was affected by incidents that happened when I was 17+ years of age.

Instead of being gracious, my reaction was “this is too little, a little too late”. It isn’t a reaction am proud of. Very few humans are self aware and know or care when they’ve hurt someone. Let’s face it. At the core of it, we are all terrible people. We are opportunists who will hurt whoever we can to get what we want. Period. So, when someone wants to make amends for their shitty behavior, the least one can do is be polite about it. I wasn’t. Because there was nothing to forgive anymore. It didn’t matter. It would have meant more, so much more if the apology had come when I was hurting. Any scraps of kindness thrown my way would have been appreciated and made me feel better.

What is the point when that part of life feels like a distant dream? But usually fantasies come true when we stop caring about them.

That’s life.