You know how it starts. You either meet someone and hit it off right away. An all night conversation followed by another all night conversation replaces caffeine to get you through the days on zero sleep. Or you have known each other for a while but one conversation changes the relationship. A new spark is added to the equation. You are high on chemistry.
Over time and with enough conversations, the relationship becomes deeper. You want to say “I love you” but love operates on a different plane from friendship. Love is boring. Love is comfort. Love is sharing silences instead of conversations. Love is consistency. Love is reliable. Love is forever. Can she commit to forever? Can I commit to forever with her?
Everything is perfect. For a while. And then you notice the disparities between your impression of her, which is based on what she tells you, and her actions. Her actions aren’t even consistent with what she tells you about herself. “Who is she? Do I really know her at all?”
You get jerked around. Calls are unanswered. WhatsApp messages are read but not replied to for hours. You have been ditched at the last minute so many times that it becomes predictable. But when she needs you, you are expected to be there. You make excuses for her behavior, maybe you are expecting too much. Then you remember every guy who made you feel like you are expecting too much and how it is a textbook manipulation technique. You know this is a deal breaker but you have hope. So, you become a doormat. Available at her convenience. Trying to be a good friend on her terms.
But it isn’t enough. The less you expect, the less you get in return. Even shreds of courtesy aren’t thrown your way. That is when you decide to stop hurting. You need to sew your broken heart. It is too precious to be trampled upon.
She doesn’t deserve a clean break, you decide. What can be worse? Being friendly without being friends. Being approachable without being accessible.
Two can play this game.