Weddings Part 1

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I don’t do weddings. Which means, apart from having attended my own wedding very reluctantly, I have spent the last few years avoiding every wedding I have been invited to. I will spare you the reasons for my dislike for weddings and marriage as a concept. It isn’t a rebellious streak, there is a genuine repulsion from within my soul for this patriarchal, social norm.

Stuff I say to avoid a wedding invitation:

1.

“Hey, am getting married. You have to be there”

“Why? You didn’t turn up for my wedding. Am not attending yours. That is the rule”

“But, we didn’t even know each other then”

“Not my problem. If you weren’t there for mine, I can’t make the effort to be at yours”

True story. My wedding was tiny and only 3 close friends, 1 friend and 1 acquaintance attended. True to my word, I attended weddings of these 3 close friends.

This rule has gotten me out of so many social events.

2.

“Hey. Am getting married. You have to be there”

“I think am going to pass this one and try and attend your 2nd one”

I can’t promise you will get invited to the 2nd wedding after this, though.

3.

“Hey. Am getting married. You have to be there”

“Yaar… it is a North Indian wedding. By the time the baraat enters the door, it will be waaaayyyy past my bedtime. I am too old to be up beyond 11 pm”

4.

My new absolute favourite excuse

“Do you want to come to Jaipur tomorrow for the wedding?”

“Since you didn’t plan the itinerary in advance, I don’t have a blouse for the saree. Unless you want me to do an Elizabeth Hurley with my nipples popping through the saree, I can’t make it”

But, sometimes people don’t give up.

“Wear anything”

“Are you serious? It is a North Indian wedding. Stop being such a Mumbaiker”.

Who knew switching between the adopted identities of snobbish Gurgaonites and the naturally down-to-earth Mumbaikers would require so much finesse and skill. Not everyone is up for it.

But there are times when none of the excuses work. The person getting married has stayed at our house (such a rare occurrence when am around), the wedding is 15 mins away from where am staying and since it’s a Maharashtrian wedding, the Indian dress code isn’t mandatory.

I mean, it is as hard to be overdressed in Mumbai as it is to be undressed in Delhi.

To be continued in Weddings Part 2