On Saturday, I was organizing my wardrobe in Gurgaon. I brought along a lot of my stuff but there is so much more that is still in Mumbai.
(If anyone is travelling from Mumbai to Gurgaon next week and willing to carry one bag, please let me know).
There was some unmentionably embarrassing music playing on my Amazon Prime app. And finally it hit me. It is over. I didn’t think it would be but it was. Sure, I had hope but there was a chance it wouldn’t happen and after a few disappointments, I had stopped focusing on it. When KC asked me in January when I would shift back, I told him “I don’t know. I don’t see it happening till June, atleast”.
I sat down on the bed surrounded by piles of clothes and sobbed. When you are halfway through your trek and extremely tired, you focus on putting one foot in front of the other. You stop focusing on how much distance is left to your destination. A smart trek leader will refuse to tell you the distance because 5 km on an uphill trek takes as much time as 10 or 15 km. One step at a time and when you least expect it, the destination is looming ahead of you.
When I was informed about my movement from Mumbai to Gurgaon, I didn’t react the way I expected I would. Sure, I was suffering from swine flu but at no point since then have I been deliriously happy or felt like I finally got what I wanted. Instead I realised that it is just the end of one set of problems and creation of entirely new ones.
The last few months in Mumbai have been fairly good. I am so comfortable where I am. My life has a routine. I have created my own space at my workplace. I have worked hard at creating a certain equity with all my team members. And people around me can predict fairly accurately how I will react to any situation. I have to leave all this and work from the bottom all over again. Just the thought makes me exhausted.
Sure, the rules remain the same.
One step at a time.
One day at a time.
One battle at a time.